Garage Sale Day - 2009

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A great Winters Garage Sale Day! It was bigger and better than I ever remember!

 

The first stop for me after I leave my house is the Catholics, and the first thing I see is a great-looking book about Early Rome, and, presumably, religion. I pick it up, the ladies look at me and I look at them. "If I buy this, you will keep it a secret, right? I need to protect my reputation." They started laughing and made it very clear that not only would it be in the Church Bulletin AND the Express, they were pretty sure it would be mentioned in the next day's sermon. Sheesh. I bought it anyway. Next, I was off to visit the Presbyters. I walk in and tell them I am there for good prices because the Catholics wanted to charge me double. Pastor Bob looked at me and said " "Anything the Catholics can do, we can do better!", and then in a loud voice tells everyone to "Make sure you charge this guy triple!"

I found a hat that I had not seen before, "Meet the Fuckers!" with a picture of George Bush and Dick Cheney on it. In small town fashion, Kathy had not wanted to put it out, but Wade told her to put it out, that "Tom will buy it!". What he didn't think of was my camera phone- I simply snapped a picture of it, and saved myself two bucks.

Eventually my wife got out of bed and joined me, and together we stumbled on to the buy of the year- a 7-foot tall lighted Palm Tree. He said a dollar, but I gave him $5.

Hamming up the works...

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Well, they are renaming the "Swine Flu" after Egypt yesterday started slaughtering pigs in a frenzy.
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Now, Islam is the official religion of Egypt, so I am not sure why there are even pigs IN Egypt.
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The new name? "H1N1"- which in a deja vous all over again is, of course, an advertising/trolling shortcut for those damn promiscuous gay men: Have 1, Need 1.

Facebook: Who Am I?

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Who Am I?


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My dad's brother George.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When Gus dies in Lonesome Dove

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It's the only one I have.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Nun.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
13 that I know of, 4 others I suspect

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
No, I hate fat people.

7. DO YOU EVER USE SARCASM?
On my jock itch.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, but not my uvula

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only off the curb.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Ted Bundy

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I take the shoelaces out every time so they can sleep better- it's good for the sole.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?
I recall two childhood mammaries, both respectable- twins, I think.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Zamboni Slush

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Boobs.

15. RED OR PINK?
It's usually pink when I start, but red by the time I am done.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF
More chins than a Chinese phone book.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Velma and Gloria

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I would not have wasted my time otherwise.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Nun- black and white.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Clint Eastwood singing "I talk to the trees..."

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Caucasian

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Gino- but he wasn't listening to me; he was on the phone.

25. DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes, I married him.

26. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH?
2M4W

27. HAIR COLOR?
Not yet...

28. EYE COLOR?
All three are brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Does that say contracts?

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Clams- al dente'

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary Movies with Happy Endings- like the last 8 years.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The one I accidentally took of my feet with my new phone.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING
Hair

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs- I love almonds

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
A tie between Carol's grandma's cheesecake and her granddaughter

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
If I pinch her ass...

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Before noon...

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW
None, I'm sitting at the computer- but if I was reading, it would be Angels & Demons

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
spaghetti sauce and dog hair

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The cat sleeping and staying warm.

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
"I'm going to school."

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Entomology over Geology; Ornithology third...

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
2nd base

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, and my wife says it is even better since they took my uvula out.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a manger

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Jesus- our gardener.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE?
SexAnon meeting- I was delivering pizza.

Newt the Slimy

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Dear Editor:

Republican leaders have such interesting names, n'est pas?

Delay. Doolittle. Bush. Rush. O'Really. Bonior.

Before Twitter, there was Vitter- which we now know means to frequent ladies of the evening- or maybe the afternoon.

After "Getting Jiggy With It!" along came "Getting Craigy With It!", which we also now know means tap dancing your way through men's restrooms.

Now, Newt Gingrich is angry because our President shook hands with Hugo Chavez, and about our relationship being better with Cuba after 90 days than it has been in the 50 years prior.

It could just be me, but I don't remember this reaction when Ronald Reagan was in Berlin talking to Gorbachev about redoing the Berlin Wallpaper.

An old white guy talking to a Communist, a real Caucasian, the head of an
enemy state, creates no controversy, but a half-black young guy talking to or about the Latino leaders of countries who have simply spoken ill of us creates an uproar?

I see. Repugnantcans. "Can't live with them, can't..." Hmmm. Guess I don't need the whole saying. And, no, I am not tarring all the GOP with the same brush.

Besides, Newt Gingrich is so passe'. After all, No Newt is good Newt. (Gingrich- not Wallace)

Teabag- the noun

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Not all teabags are created equally...

Shoes of the Fisherman II

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Pope Benedict XVI sought to give a message of hope on Easter Sunday to victims of wars, poverty and financial turmoil, saying it was urgently needed to overcome the miseries that are plaguing Africa, the Middle East and other parts of the globe.

Benedict delivered his "Urbi et Orbi" message — Latin for "to the city and the world" — after celebrating Easter Mass before tens of thousands of people who packed St. Peter's Square and the boulevard leading up to it.

I am reminded of my favorite Catholic speech of all time, that of Pope Kiril Lakota in Shoes of the Fisherman:

"I am the custodian of the wealth of the Church. I pledge it now — all our money, all our holdings in land, buildings, and great works of art — for the relief of our hungry brothers. And if, to honor this pledge, the Church must strip itself down to poverty, so be it. I will not alter this pledge; I will not reduce it. And now, I beg the great of the world and the small of the world to share out of their abundance with those who have nothing."

Integrity

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I am proud to be an American, although the last eight years has sometimes made that difficult.

Now, not only am I proud to be an American, but I am really proud to be a liberal/progressive American- and a Democrat.

For a couple of weeks now I have watched as the pundits on "our" side asked questions- Maher, Maddow, Schultz to some extent, Samuels.

None of the heavyweights have been falling into lockstep like the Foxzis have for the last 8 years- Bush the Magnificent!

Last night Olbermann, with Jonathan Turley, hit it out of the park with the bases loaded.

Obama's Justice Department has taken it further than Bush, and has completely lost its mind.

I hope they come to their senses. We're not even at Day 90 yet.

Second Vatican

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Dear Editor,

Esther Villalobos is correct, I was too pointed in my criticism of the Catholic Church. Sometimes, my sense of outrage gets the best of me. My suggestion to abolish the Church was just plain dumb.

Oddly, though, my earliest recollection of that sense of outrage, and the beginning of my departure from the Church, was in the 3rd Grade when Mrs. McElhone at St. Paul's in Oswego, NY, taught us that babies who died before being baptized don't get to go to Heaven, but go to Limbo instead. Forever. Not even a shot at Purgatory.

My chubby arm shot up, and an involuntary "What?" came from me, there in my seat in the front row. I was always moved to the front row by October 1st- never quite figured out why. My eyesight was fine!

The next stumbling block came with the understanding that there was evil and unhappiness in the world because Eve ate an apple from the wrong tree. The unfairness of that was bad enough as a kid, but now, as a male adult, it's even worse to realize it is simply because a woman couldn't follow directions. Huh? Hello! Feels like a setup from the very beginning, right guys? I mean, if men can be criticized for never asking for directions, we can do the same to women about following them.

Last year, this Pope did away with Limbo. All those years that parents anguished over their children stuck in Limbo, and now "poof!" it's gone? Hmmm. This is the kind of thing that drives me crazy! It's what happens with Catholicism, though, because of, unlike other religions, the "changing of the guard" that takes place when a Pope dies.

It is a fact that condoms prevent AIDS. The idea that distributing condoms increases AIDS spread because it encourages multiple partners is a red herring. The German, French, and even the Italian governments were quick to lament the Pope's comments. Many of the 22 million people in Africa with AIDS were either in what they thought were monogamous relationships, are now, or will be in the future. I am not knowledgeable enough to know whether abstinence programs in Africa are effective, but I know the record here is dismal.

When the Pope travels, he does so as both the head of the Church and the head of the Vatican State, and he talks to Catholics and non-Catholics alike. I believe that adds even greater responsibility to his shoulders about what he says. By the way, Popes do not get misquoted. It's not like He gives Jimmy Olson or Lois Lane an exclusive interview behind closed doors. Thousands of people are always witnesses.

On a lighter note, I received a lovely postcard from His Holiness in the mail on Monday. It had a great picture of himself on the front, which did not appear to be digitally retouched. He basically explained to me that he was the first German Pope since Adrian the VI, as he probably did not think that a heathen like me would know that, and he also wrote "So, you have had enough, huh?". It's not really suitable for framing, but I did laminate it. The Edgar Allan Poe stamp was a very nice, subtle touch, also.

On Thursday, in what appeared to be the same handwriting, and again with an Edgar Allan Poe stamp, I received a DVD: Come Home to the Catholic Church: Why I Did, Why You Should! It is a series of lectures by, oddly, a priest. I put it on my DVD rack between Shoes of the Fisherman and The Thorn Birds.

Here's the thing. I love the Church, always have, even though it drives me crazy sometimes- but I am now an Atheist, and that's not likely to change. I mean, it's been over 35 years since my last confession- who wants to spend the next 5 years saying Our Fathers and Hail Marys? I gave up Confession for Lent in 1972, and it just kind of stuck.

I am probably different than most Atheists though, in that while I am 99% sure I am right, I still hope I am wrong. It's a simple matter of fairness for me. Up to 2/3 of the people ever born worshiped a higher form of life, while probably a third did not. All that time, effort, money, all those good deeds- I hope the 2/3 are right. My fate is sealed either way. If they are right, they get to say "I told you so!". If I'm right, I don't.

A couple more light notes. The first is I am looking forward to May 15th, when the next history movie of Catholicism comes out, Angels & Demons. Secondly, my irreverent sense of humor led me to order a "GOD "heart" GAY" license plate for my new van, and DMV notified me Friday that it awaits me in the Vacaville office. Please, could we not have a modern-day "Crusade" to deface my van?

Dr. Dawkins: I now own www.mcmasterful.com. Never even thought of it. Merci!

Folks, you don't need to send me stuff anonymously. I'm not going to hunt you down, or invite my gay friends to camp out on your lawn. Obviously, the anonymity of the postcard from the Pope and the subsequent DVD added to their mystique, but when you send me the pro-church or anti-gay stuff, just put your name on it. That way, my wife doesn't have to worry if there is some strange white powder in there. I tried to reassure her that, at most, it might be dipped in Holy Water prior to mailing, but she would prefer honest return addresses.

Lastly, the Winters Express is our hometown newspaper, and it's a damn good one. I have long been dismayed when I hear or read about people who have unsubscribed because they did not like something that Debra wrote, or Charley, or maybe even me, or Jon Tice, or Donald Sanders.

You don't take the local newspapers for the writers. You subscribe so you know who had a baby, and who died; you subscribe to see that a Winters HS baseball player is batting over .600 and a pitcher gave up only one hit in two games a couple of weeks ago; you subscribe to learn who this year's Mr. Warrior is, and to see what the specials are at Town & Country Market; you subscribe to find out when and where the next fund-raising dinner is for Little League, Youth Day, the Soroptimists, Swim Team, Youth Football, Scouts, or Rotary, or to be reminded that the Fire Department Garage Sale is coming soon; and you subscribe to read the tributes that two former students of Mr. Mac wrote about a man who was so dear to them, and made such a difference in their lives.

It's not an option, it's an obligation. The only legitimate excuse is that you can't afford it. If you don't understand this very basic fundamental about living in a small town, if you are so petty that you don't subscribe over somebody exercising their free speech rights, or because you counted the words in my last letter and realized I was over the limit, then not only can you not be taken seriously for criticizing anybody else, you are in need of some serious therapy.

Letter & Rebuttal

A friend of mine sent me the black ink; The blue ink is my reply.

Tom,

George,

While I believe you’re probably already well versed in this philosophy, I thought that you might benefit from a review. It’s not much use to me, as I have come to understand that “good” and “liberal” are mutually exclusive terms. At any rate, I hope it’s helpful.

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

1. You are against capital punishment because it's racist, sexist, and too many mistakes have been made.
You believe that life begins sometime, but not at conception- or Safeway has a special on "buy a dozen chickens, and get a dozen free" this week.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

2. You knew Trickle Down Economics was a scam, and now the whole world knows, too.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

3. You have to believe that since a criminal can't buy an AK-47, the guy who killed 4 Oakland Cops must have stolen it from a "law-abiding" citizen.
"A well-regulated-militia..." When do we start drills?"

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

4. You would rather have art on the walls than pay big-business farmers not to grow crops.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

5. You have to believe that we are at least accelerating global warming, or you should just deny a round earth and the Holocaust, too.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

6. You have to believe gays knew they were gay from birth, as they say, just as straights do, too.
You have no position on artificial gender roles, which we assume to be Republican fetish blow-up dolls.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that Federal funding is important for all disease research, and an anti-gay bias should not change that.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th- graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that teachers were probably fucking before they were teaching.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

9. You have to believe that there is a difference between loving nature so it keeps supplying you with things to shoot, versus working to save animals from people who want to wear them…

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You believe that people are born with self-esteem, and should be allowed to keep it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

11. You believe that Attila the Mel can spend his money however he wants.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that the NRA should read the WHOLE Second Amendment.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that nothing is free, except wars fought "off the books", and that MOST bank fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

14. Well, more than Robert E. Lee, certainly- he was such a loser.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that all tests and employment processes will be created equal when all schools, teachers,
and school funding is created and distributed equally.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

16. As the world now knows, John Maynard Keynes was right, and Milton Friedman was wrong.
You also believe that describing liberals as socialists is the same as comparing conservatives with Nazis.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

17. You have to believe that manger scenes can be in parades anytime they want to be...

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

18. You have to believe there is nothing vast about the right-wing: not anymore, man!

GOD BLESS AMERICA
Oops, can't do that either.

Allah Bless America
Darwin Bless America
Confucius Bless America
Buddha Bless America

Obama, working diligently to develop a
new breed of parasites on society!
AKA, Democrats for change!

Obama, working diligently to banish an
old, fat, rich breed of parasites from society!
AKA, Democrats for change- you're goddamn right!

"On the whole, it is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them".. Mark Twain

"On the whole, it is best to deserve honors AND have them."

Tom McMasters-Stone
www.polisticksandstones.blogspot.com

Condom Minimum

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The Pope has said that the solution to the AIDS crisis cannot be found in the distribution of condoms. He did not even make the "official" claim of the Catholic Church, that abstinence and marital fidelity are the solutions to the crisis, where in Sub-Saharan Africa 22 million people are infected with AIDS.

Instead, the solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer".

Huh?

There is no Biblical source or rationale for the Pope, for Priest or Nun Celibacy, or for being against Birth Control. Despite this, millions of people look to the Pope as the voice of God- at the very same time they laugh at Tom Cruise and Scientology, and mock and criticize the Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

It's also at the same time that millions have embraced both the Christian faith of Sarah Palin, despite the fact that she hosted an African Witch Doctor at her church for an Exorcism, and Governor Bobby Jindal as the future of the GOP, ignoring the fact that he and others abused a woman in college while performing a self-described "exorcism" on her.

I am reminded of the old Catholic joke...

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You idiot! I tried. I sent three boats after you!"

So, that takes us back to Genesis...

"And on the Eighth Day, God created condoms..."

Every Country in the world, particularly Italy, should immediately withdraw their Ambassadors to The Vatican, and revoke the official status of the Holy Roman Catholic Church as a religion.

By making the statements he has made, the Pope has put the Catholic Church in the same league as the Heaven's Gate folks, as well as the Jim Jones group that had such a profound effect on Kool Aid stock prices.

While Africa died, the Pope fiddled...

And please, would SOMEBODY send me my Ex-Communication paperwork in a format suitable for framing...

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Vote For This Joke

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Star of David Lobbyists...

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Our president has been railing about lobbyists since he began his unlikely run to be the leader of the free world.

In this shambled economy, the focus has been on the lobbyists for what I would describe as "money"- those whose interests or goals- remember, they are not the same thing- are financial in some way.

Let me take a moment to make it very clear: I love Israel, and I love the Jews and the Israelis. I love their spirit, their joie de vivre, which I do not know either how to say in Hebrew or write from right to left.

I would love to have dual citizenship, but they are very stingy with their citizenship papers, as I have researched it.

I am not, though, an Israel apologist. Sometimes, they are just flat wrong.

They are wrong to have reduced the Gaza Strip to povertty by denying some of the most very basic needs to the Gazans. Their response to the IUDs (Improvised Uber Devices) that the Gazans were lobbing into Israel was totally disproportionate and outrageous. Israel is a country, a legendary one at that, especially at such a ripe young age, but they are not perfect. Sometimes, the sons and daughters of Masada do not keep things in proper perspective.

However, I digress. Back to the lobbyists.

Charles Freeman withdrew his name yesterday from appointment to a high-level Intelligence position because of what he has described as pressure from the "Israel" lobby. Sadly, he was profoundly qualified for the post.

Folks, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Barack Obama. For eight years, we have been subjected to a government of closed doors, secret meetings, and an ideologically-exclusive club. No more!

Rarely, will people in the Cabinet agencies agree on everything in their arenas of responsibility. Frankly, that's what we WANT! Disagreement is the only way we will get the thorough vetting of ideas, proposal, plans, and programs that we need and expect from our government.

If Mr. Freeman's observations are accurate, and he was targeted because of some of his blunt assessments of Israel, then those lobbyists are just as dangerous as those who represent the AMA, the NRA, Wall Street, and the Military/Industrial Complex- and should be as quickly dismissed. In some ways, "thought" or "idea", or perhaps in this case "ant-free speech" lobbyists are more dangerous to the fabric of democracy than those motivated by money.

National Intelligence Czar Dennis Blair should appoint Mr. Freeman as planned, and move on.

The Obama Administration will not lose the Israel Lobby over one appointment, and the Israel Lobby needs the Obama Administration now more than ever- and that won't change with Mr. Freeman in place, and it won't be different when people vote in 4 years.

Enough of this ideological blackmail and coercion.

Sign...

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"Dan White hero... killing a queer."

The sign was rather rudimentary, multi-colored, appears to be colored pencils as the medium.

It was sent to me by Geoff Kors, of Equality California, and represented as a sign seen in front of the Supreme Court last Thursday.

I don't like the picture of the sign. It's a close-up, and does not appear to be in a crowd or even in the hands of a protester. It just does not seem right to me, somehow...

I hope I am wrong.

Let's assume that it is as stated, though. I think that I have never seen anything so repulsive, so outrageous, so hateful. I don't say this with even a touch of machismo, but I believe I would be in jail should I encounter somebody carrying such a sign- man or woman.

It's the product of the vitriol of Limbaugh, and the Catholics and the Mormons, and I doubt there is a better example of a traitor to our country than this. It offends me at such a basic level that I cannot even begin to describe it.

Sure, I would provoke the carrier of the sign into swinging at me first- easily done with such an illiterate cretin. Small penis. Used to stare at the other boys in the shower in gym class. Parents that were brother and sister. Abused by a priest when he was younger. Simple.

I was there in Sacramento at the Tower for the Opening Night of Milk. A great movie, a great man, and great actors.

Dan White did do one thing right, though- he killed himself. Hero? Never. Mentally-ill coward, and the perfect poster child for those who believe their god wants them to create a jihad against gays.

Square Root Day

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NOTE: My friend Matt Reimer contributed to this piece.

Yesterday, at least here in the Colonies, we celebrated "Square Root Day"- well, a couple of us did.

3.3.09

I have never been a big Math guy. My Math education stopped after my "A", one of the few, in High School Algebra, in 1972.

My son Tommy is the Math guy, getting it from his Mom. He got a perfect 800 on his Math SAT.

Sure, I took a Business Math class in college, and I picked up a bunch of Fire Department Math & Hydraulics along the way.

I was never an Engineer, even though I have an Engineer's Badge in my Retirement Shadow Box. Another example of Michael E. Smith's attention to detail.

29.7 times the diameter squared times the square root of the pressure times .9 for an open butt. (Don't ask.)

The Scarecrow should have used that in The Wizard of Oz.

I did drive a lot. Most notably, Battalion Chief Dorrough to this day has not recovered from a Union Avenue to Peabody Road run in old 3270 in 1984. Damn, 25 years ago...

One more Square Root novelty? The Square Root of 69? Ate something...

Octo Mom

NOTE: My friend Mike Guerra contributed to this piece
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Unlike most folks, Roger Moore was always my favorite Bond guy, at least before Daniel Craig, and OctoPussy my favorite of his movies.

Now, along comes this psycho bimbo with eight kids in there, and she has totally ruined the movie for me! Maybe they could re-release it under a new name? Maybe Eight Cooters in the Fountain...

I also have been a big soccer fan & player since 1971. In Fairfield, there has long been a flood control basin known as the "Octo Inn" on the west side of town. In dry weather, it also serves as a great soccer complex.

Again, here comes Miss Hockey-Team-With-Two-On-The-Bench and I now will never again view the Octo Inn in the same, and maybe not soccer either- I mean she had more kids stuffed in there than there are soccer balls in the net in any TWO typical soccer games!

Damn, she qualifies as a Hostel, although most might deem it a Hostel Environment.

The book and the movie? Simple: Eight Kids Out.

I guess I am better off than she is though- I mean, after all, I only have a couple of perspectives distorted, while she is at the top of the list for places if they ever have to relocate The Spruce Goose.

Dick, Dick, Dick...

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C'mon, Dick- get in the game! Poor Cheney is apparently outraged that Dubya didn't pardon Scooter Libby, and is prone, over the last couple of weeks, to rants and raves about it.

Look, it's very simple, but it does highlight the different view of the world between Dubya and his Veep.

Dick Cheney thinks he's invincible, thinks that no matter what he does, any prosecution of him will eventually go before his 5 cronies on the Supreme Court. Consequently, he has done whatever he wanted for 8 years.

Dubya, however, is not the ideologue Dick is, he has failed at everything he has tried, and is an opportunist. Will Ferrell overshot the mark, but not by much.

It's quite simple: Dubya realizes that pardoning Scooter Libby would allow him to subsequently talk or testify about the whole thing without restraint- and George can't have THAT happen. Simply commuting his sentence has kept him out of prison, but kept his tongue tied at the same time.

On the very day that, finally, Speaker Pelosi and others have started talking about prosecutions, Dick Cheney is still railing about Libby being raped by Dubya.

We have known for 8 years that they both were zealous idiots, but we always thought Dick was smarter than George.

Guess not...

Beaver sighting...

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A Beaver has been sighted in the Detroit River for the first time in 75 years. I guess there is neither a Paradise Beach nor a Stinson Beach on the Detroit River...

Huh?

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A South Carolina sheriff is not going to charge swimmer Michael Phelps after a photo of the 14-time gold medalist showed him smoking from a marijuana pipe. Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott made the decision Monday.

Huh?

A picture of somebody smoking "something" in a water pipe can show up, without the person being caught in the act by a cop, and charges can be even considered?

I realize this is South Carolina, after all, but it's not like a Red Light Cam, or a Security Cam, where all the facts are in the photo.

Michael Phelps apologized for "regrettable behavior", and never once, nor since, has he mentioned marijuana by name- not in public anyway.

Do these idiots that end up behind the badge not pay attention when they swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America?

As the cartoon I read in "The Week" implied, it is one thing to botch the Oath of Office the way John Roberts did when swearing in Barack Obama- it's another thing to botch it the way George Bush did over the last 8 years.

I don't know how long Sheriff Leon has been in office, but he still has a Lott to learn...

A child...

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When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I- fuck that! I kept most of my childhood ways and things and thoughts. I still believe in the Waltons, the Ingalls, the Spencers, the Finches, the Joads, the Andersons, the Keatons, the Cunninghams, and even the Grapes.

The Pope, the Voice of God...

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The Pope said today that any denial of the Holocaust is "intolerable"- but he reinstated a Bishop that is a denier of the Holocaust.

god, I love religion...

My friend Cario did, long ago, come up with one advantage of the Mormons- who have Bishops with wives and kids.

When they have a son? Son of the Bish...

Feliz Candles...

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Happy 200th Birthday to two very pivotal men, and two of my heores, Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin...

Chuck, if we ever meet, we need to discuss another chapter for "Origin of the Species":

Chapter 15: Natural Selection, The Anomalies

A. George W. Bush
B. Sarah Palin
C.
D.

Changing the Emperor's Clothes...

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I am sick and tired of hearing over the last several weeks that Goerge Bush kept us safe for almost 8 years.

First of all, he had 9/11 information before it happened, and he ignored it.

Secondly, he protected us how? When? Where?

I could jump on the bandwagons with these morally-bankrupt Republicans, and make the claim, for instance, that Georgie Pordgie kept me from getting AIDS for almost 8 years; or that he protected me from starvation; or that he kept me from getting poisoned.

The only problem is I didn't fuck anybody with AIDS, I hadplenty of food entirely with George, and nobody wanted to poison me- not seriously enough to do anything about it, anyway.

George only protected us in the way this country protected itself by interning and stealing the belongings and land from the Japanese-Americans in WW II.

You heard it here first, that trampling all over the Constitution back then, stopped cold already-planned attacks on Taft, Knights Landing, Colusa, Wilton, and what was then Monticello.

Living in America is a privilege, an honor, but it's also risky- having liberties and freedoms means you are vulnerable to those who would trample upon them, by definition.

So be it...

And another thing: you morons, quit whining that you don't want the "former terrorists" housed in your states, that the California Liberals can take them.

We are honored by your compliments and recognition- we are liberal, we read, we can count, and we understand the law- in our great country, you are either a criminal or a prisoner of war- not some trumped up category that allows torturing of people participating in what you yourselves describe as a "War".

People were executed after WW II for having tortured people using "waterboarding".

The Geneva Convention is many things, but "quaint" is not amongst them.

Civil Liberties are not to be victims of advancing technology and new types of warfare...

Grandfather's Old Party

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We have now seen the demise of the GOP. It can never recover. Sure, it will remain in name, but in name only- Barry Goldwater would be ashamed, as would the man who would turn 200 years old this week, Abraham Lincoln.

When it came time to Government-Welfare-Rescue their rich banker friends, who all arrived in Washington in private jets, it was a national crisis of monumental proportions, and action was not only critical, it was swift, bi-partisan action that was needed, and the naysayers were to be considered traitors and unpatriotic.

Then came the Automakers. Somehow, the fact that THEY arrived in private jets upset the unsensibilities of the Grand Old Puckers. The difference, of course? The UAW. Consequently, the CEOs and CFOs, and CPRs, and ABCs, and Eee-eye-eee-ohs of the Big Three, who collectively make a pittance in salary and benefits compared to the excesses of Wall Street, were treated like children, and made to crawl back to D.C. a second time, carpooling figuratively on their hands and knees, god forbid in their SUVs or Lear 23s.

Now it's Middle America. You, probably me, the folks next door and across the street- and 90% of the rest of us. What do we hear? Tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts- still the mantra, their rallying cry- huh?

Take care of the wealthy and they will take care of the rest? Yeah, right.

Trickle Down Economics is like the Nazi Concentration Camps. If you are the one doing the Trickling Down, all looks great; but if you are the one being "Trickled" upon, life sucks- or ends completely.

Is the Nazi comparison out of line? Maybe, but only to the Jews... Remember, their only sin was to deem Jesus a great but mortal man- and be born brunette with brown eyes, instead of blond and blue.

Saving the rich? A crisis... Saving the middle class? They'll think about it...

Even the once-great John McCain failed to regain some of his splendor when given the chance. Not surprising, but nonetheless sad...

The Party of Lincoln, Goldwater, and Eisenhower has been reduced to having stars named Cheney, Palin, David Vitter, Larry Craig, the party of Doolittle and Deelay, Limbaugh and O'Reilly- panderers to the rich and the religious- but mostly un-holy and misguided- and possessors of no scruples or morals.

So be it. GOP: R.I.P? Nah... R.I.H!

Greatest Sports Movie Quotes...

Random order...X

• James Earl Jones:

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come."

• Kevin Costner:

"I believe in the soul ... the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

• Keanu Reeves:

"Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever."

• James Gammon:

Willie Mays Hayes: "I'm Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes."

Lou Brown: "Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit."

• Kevin Costner

"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."

• Marlon Brando

"You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Charley."

• John Madden (sentimental favorite)

"I love it when a fat guy scores! Then you get a fat guy spike and a fat guy dance.

Interview with God...

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Some friends sent me a link, entitled an Interview with God. http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html

However, it's really an Interview with Buddha.

Sure, the pictures are great, and the pastel tones leave you all warm and fuzzy. Sadly, no major religion of the world except Buddhism comes even close to what is portrayed on the website- neither in doctrine nor practice.

And guess what? Buddhism is the only major religion that does not talk about the existence of a supreme being- hmmm.

Missing from the interview is any mention of the homophobes, the bigots, the racists, the people dying of AIDS in Africa because of Catholic doctrine, the fighting and wars conducted under different gods' names, or the Book of Mormon that says black people are evil.

Dupak Chopra likes to tell people to ask us Atheists "Which God don't we believe in?" Psycho Babble Excrement.

His point is that god is inevitable, but that she is represented in none of the writings we have, as well as none of the theologies.

Just like we now have "Intelligent Design" to explain the clash between Evolution and Creation.

Most Atheists believe in Evolution- however, it is an evolution that is solid, slow, deliberate, steady, and a real joy to explore.

The other, modern-day "evolution" is the herky-jerky, shucking and jiving, on-the-fly evolution that is happening every time Creationism gets punched in the mouth by science- like "Maybe God's 7 days are different than ours!"
Yeah, right...

"Somebody had to create us!" Uh, ok, but who created god? God can have been here forever, but the universe cannot have been?

It's a sad evolution, one lacking integrity, and without moral compass.

I am an Atheist who hopes he is wrong. Really. All those millions of people wasting all that money, all that time in Church, all that preaching, the priests being celibate, perhaps getting Nun- I don't have to be right, just to have all that go to waste.

Nope, if I'm wrong, so be it- but I'm not.

Vitteriol...

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I see that Senator David Vitter, the staunch right-wing, conservative Senator from Louisiana, who has so seamlessly replaced David Duke, and who was an admitted client of that Family-Values D.C. Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, has entered the lone vote against Senator Hillary Clinton becoming our next Secretary of State.

Great! One does not want the support of such a two-faced Neanderthal with the integrity of a wet cube of sugar.

She drew mostly rave reviews for her adamant assertion that the Book of Diplomacy needs to be returned to the State Department's libraries.

State? Diplomacy? What a novel concept, huh?

Way to go, Al!!

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Al Sharpton Condemns Churches That Supported Proposition 8

The Rev. Al Sharpton spoke at Tabernacle Baptist Church in Atlanta on Sunday and spoke out against the Mormon Church and evangelicals who fought to pass Proposition 8:

"It amazes me when I looked at California and saw churches that had nothing to say about police brutality, nothing to say when a young black boy was shot while he was wearing police handcuffs, nothing to say when the they overturned affirmative action, nothing to say when people were being delegated into poverty, yet they were organizing and mobilizing to stop consenting adults from choosing their life partners. There is something immoral and sick about using all of that power to not end brutality and poverty, but to break into people’s bedrooms and claim that God sent you."

According to the Southern Voice, "Sharpton came to Atlanta to celebrate the launch of the Alliance of Affirming Faith-Based Organizations."

He added: "I am tired of seeing ministers who will preach homophobia by day, and then after they’re preaching, when the lights are off they go cruising for trade...We know you’re not preaching the Bible, because if you were preaching the Bible we would have heard from you. We would have heard from you when people were starving in California, when they deregulated the economy and crashed Wall Street you had nothing to say. When [alleged Ponzi schemer Bernie] Madoff made off with the money, you had nothing to say. When Bush took us to war chasing weapons of mass destruction that weren’t there you had nothing to say. … But all of a sudden when Proposition 8 came out you had so much to say, but since you stepped in the rain, we gonna step in the rain with you."

Amen.

Modesto...

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A man with a Samurai sword in Modesto is shot and killed by a police officer. Does Modesto not have Tasers? Oh, they do? He ignored being shot by the Taser? I hope so... Hmmm...

I did some research. Number of police officers killed in this country in the last 10 years by Samurai Swords: zero.

Taser once; Taser twice; Shoot gun...

Secret Government?

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The proponents of Proposition 8 have now filed a lawsuit in Federal Court to change California's law requiring disclosure of campaign contributions.

Hmmm. Can't stand the heat? They want to discriminate in private, huh?
They don't like being fired as my dentist after 31 years?

They don't like their businesses being boycotted because the are bigots?

They don't like being held accountable for imposing their religious beliefs on others, a violation of the very principle upon which this country was settled by white people- or, as history tells us, stolen from the Native Americans?

Too bad. And remember, there is a $100 threshold- below that, no disclosure is required, so you have to be a pretty committed bigot, at that.

So, not only are these people bigots, they are cowards. That being said, I do not condone violence against people over their political beliefs, whether they are left or wrong.

Open government is critical, as we have seen over the last eight years, years that are unlike any eight before them- and hopefully any one after!

And remember, there is a $100 threshold- below that, no disclosure is required.

And what about my rights? Don't I have the right to know if my dentist is laundering my money into something I find abhorrent, like taking away the rights of gay people to get married, making black people sit in the back of the bus, keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, or stealing land and property from Japanese-Americans and sending them to Internment Camps? I know, I know- at least there were no ovens, right?

That being said, there are parts of the campaign law that should be tossed out by the Courts.

First is the requirement that people's employer be identified. Employers should not be associated with the political views of their employees any more than employees should be presumed to agree with the views of their employers.

The phone number requirement should also be tossed. Knowing the complete name and address of a donor is sufficient to preserve democracy.

A layer of security would also be added. It does take effort, gas, and/or money to send something to somebody, or to go to their home and picket.

It takes no effort to pick up the phone and harass somebody or their employer, and in the case of folks who get charged for incoming calls, it would cost them money.

Complete name and address- period. Anything beyond is an invasion of privacy.

Keep the baby- toss the bathwater.

Sarah, your 15 minutes are over...

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Sarah Palin believes Caroline Kennedy is getting kid-glove treatment because of her "class" status.

Huh?

We have known Caroline Kennedy for almost 50 years.

She has never claimed to be an expert on New Jersey because she can see it from her apartment building in New York.

We know she selects her own newspapers, and can remember their names after she reads them.

We have never seen her wink repeatedly on national TV, nor have we ever seen her go to a debate only to tell the moderator that she does not intend to answer the questions, but to just talk directly to the American people- which most people would call a s-p-e-e-c-h.

Caroline Kennedy has never been involved in a scandal, but if she were she would not describe an investigation conducted by her own employees as "vindication".

Neither would Caroline Kennedy describe e-mails from her government e-mail account to her husband as "privileged" or "official confidential business".

Caroline Kennedy's husband was never a member of a group advocating New York's secession from the Union, nor did she ever give the keynote address at one of that group's conventions.

New York has 18 million people. Those are the people she will represent, and she will have to run for re-election when the partial term is over.

Yet, she has gotten more than 18 million people's worth of press coverage and critique.

Class difference? Oh, yes, Sarah, there definitely is a class difference between the two of you- in fact, there is a WORLD of difference.

However, that's not the reason for any variation in the way she is being treated.

The difference is that she is not scary, not an embarrassment, her position will be representing one state and not all fifty, and she will not be a heartbeat away from the presidency of the United States- in line behind a 70-year old multiple-cancer survivor.

Remember the Donny Osmond song, "Go Away Little Girl"? Give it a try.

Hebrew Blockade 1A

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The Israelis are vulnerable to legitimate criticism for their blockade of Gaza, which goes way beyond security concerns, and is really preventing the Gazans from receiving the basic necessities of life.

Is there a legitimate need for a blockade? Yes. Is there a legitimate reason do deny basic needs? No.

Look at the map. For the most part, Israel surrounds Gaza- by land, or by naval blockade. Except for the 20% of their land border that they share with Egypt.

The Israelis' concerns about what is going into Gaza can be handled very simply- let everything Gaza needs go THROUGH/FROM Israel. Inspections can handle the security concerns, and prevent weapons and contraband from getting through. And no goddamn price-gouging of the Arabs by the Jews.

The Central Ineptitude Agency

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Leon Panetta is a central California Democrat of unimpeachable integrity and reputation. Oddly, he is being criticized by some Democrats over his selection by BO to head the CIA.

What all of our national and international law enforcement agencies are in dire need of right now is integrity- not experience, not "history", not skeletons- but leaders with integrity and a fresh, independent view.

Leon Panetta brings just that and, with the exception of Rick Warren as Chief Invocator, is just the latest in a series of good or great picks BO has made.

The fact that Lady Di has gotten her feelings hurt that she was not consulted, and that she doesn't really like the choice, is just the latest example that she has lost perspective, has forgotten her early days, and is really more DeCaf Republican than Caffeinated Democrat.

I felt a tinge in my heart when I saw her in Milk when I realized how far she had strayed from her roots as she has gotten older...

Jeeeezus Christ

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The Catholic Church has published a paper stating that the evidence is conclusive that the birth control pill is processing through women's bodies, polluting our environment, and causing sterility amongst the men of the world. The report was published in the Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, and authored by Pedro Jose Maria Simon Castellvi, president of the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations.

Every time you think an institution can sink no lower...

We are supposed to take the Roman Catholic Church seriously on something like birth control? The same folks who are telling people in Africa that condoms do not stop the spread of AIDS?

How about we let the Nazis weigh in on Kosher food? Or the Israelis on which material makes the best Islamic Prayer Rugs? Or have the Mormons tell us the easiest and simplest ways to integrate a religion before its 200th birthday?

I am one of the few Atheists that believes he is right, but hopes he is wrong. I would love to stand there and watch as these morons, these strayward souls, those who could not do God's work if it was printed backwards on their foreheads so they could read it every morning in the mirror, stand in front of their God and try and explain themselves.

It would be a great reality show: Blasphemy TV.

Saracens, and Hebrews, and War, Oh My!

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I am not a blind supporter of Israel, nor am I an Israeli apologist. I am an Israeli kindred spirit, but integrity and reason must be brought to bear, and I think and hope that reasonable minds and hearts prevail, and all can live side-by-side as they have at other times in history.

However, we have seen the recent chronology so many times since 1948, there should be a name for it. Maybe Sullahadeen Syndrome- not in recognition of any parallel with the great King of Islam, but simply in recognition of his greatness.

Here's how it works: Arabs (in this case, Hamas) attack Israel; Israel says stop; Israel is ignored; Israel attacks with bigger sticks, and stones, and planes, and ground troops, and tanks, and ultimately invades source of rocket attacks; Arabs clamor for UN mandated cease-fire.

Stirring a Hornet's Nest will get you stung- every single time.

Maybe next time you want a Rocket show, watch a Houston NBA game, or shoot at the goddamn Mediterranean- it won't shoot back.