Well, well, well...

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It appears that there ARE times when the Emperor-to-Be has no clothes. In the interest of full disclosure, I saw the Salon headline: "How the hell did Rick Warren get an invitation to the Inauguration?", but I did not read the story yet. I get Salon e-mails, and that was the title. Any overlap is coincidental, and I have been mulling this over since the announcement.

I understand the wish to change things, to conduct business differently in Washington and around the world, and I certainly concur.

It was imperative that B.O. select a minister that supported gay and lesbian rights to do the invocation, and he whiffed on this one.

Reaching across the aisle? No, here he crossed the aisle- just as clearly as if he had "reached out" to Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond, David Duke, or Dick Cheney.

It's a slap at his gay and lesbian supporters, and the red mark is sure to fade slowly.

Probably.

Thinking ahead into what appears to be this "balanced punching" way of doing business, perhaps the slap will be offset by the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" in the military.

But even if he does that, there were many religious and spiritual folks he could have chosen that would have sent a better message.

B.O. says that people need to come together, even when there are differences on "social issues". Huh? Harvard Law review, and that's the best you can do?

It's a civil rights issue, a separation of church and state issue, and religious intolerance issue- but it's hardly a social issue.

And why just one minister? He actually had a chance to "bring together" people, literally, and he flunked the test.

Until now, the selections have been unassailable- hardly unanimous, but solid, and generally respected.

I hope this is both the first and last crack in the dyke.

A Shoe In...

You have got to hand it to the Secret Service, huh? A guy stands up and hucks TWO, not one, but TWO shoes at the POTUS- taking the second one off his foot after he flung the first. I mean, that's like a 1000-Uzi-rounds timespan!

They had better do a better job with Obamanation...

Fathers... or Dads?

My oldest son, Tommy, asked me what I thought about a potential name for the business he wants to start up.

It dawned on me, as I read the e-mail, that I cannot remember ever having asked my father for advice, nor he me.

Despite that punch to the stomach, I told my son the truth, that I thought the name might be too cerebral, too complicated.

It's a combination of the first two letters of the words he wants his business to stand for, effectively creating a new word.

My thought, which I have not shared with him yet, was that the first letter of each word would create a single syllable word, virtually unknown in the business world according to my web search.

Personally, I like the name very much, and what it stands for. I tried to look at it as a City Councilman, as a Chamber Director, as a prospective client- and not as a father.

I hope I did the right thing- and I hope he keeps asking. There are few better honors in life.

I Revelgaytions... finally disclosed.

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It has taken a while for me to adjust to this kind of responsibility, and, frankly, to the shock of being proved partially wrong about a higher or collective form of life.

It has also been difficult to believe that I, of all people, have been selected for this monumental task. It all became crystal clear to me a couple of weeks ago when one of the best Christians I have ever met asked me to be the co-signer on the checking account for the Winters Community Dinner.

Her explanation to me was that I am fair, honest, and affiliated with no Church- so I wouldn't cause any of the Winters' congregations to be jealous. Since she does not attend services here in Winters, neither does she.

That's it! That must be the reason for my selection. Although, as you will see later, there might be one other reason.

On May 18, 2007, I was sitting in my church pew on my porch, checking my e-mail. All of a sudden, POOF!, and I was 900 miles away, sitting on a corner in Winslow, Arizona- evening traffic, including a flatbed Ford, whizzing by me on Route 66 at Williamson Avenue, and I was connected to the internet via some unknown wi-fi, with something strange happening to my monitor.

At first I thought it was the Google Desktop Screen Saver taking me to Transylvania or to visit the Baskervilles, but that wasn't it.

Nor was it a blue screen event, which happens sometimes with Vista- it was more like a Gray Screen- until a face started to emerge from the gray.

It looked like the Shroud of Turin at first, but as the features became stronger, I could see it was a woman- a strong, masculine-looking woman, but a woman nonetheless. She had long, curly hair, jet-black in color.

It seemed to take forever for the face to materialize- it would come and go, two steps forward, three steps backward, or so it seemed to me.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably just minutes, it became clear- probably in HD.

The black hair framed a face that looked surreally like Whoopi Goldberg, except the face in front of me was clearly Arabic, and with blue eyes.

She was wearing a beautiful Kippah, a large rosary around her neck, and a beautiful Yourban gown. I still don't know how I knew what a Kippah was, or that the dress was from a West African tribe.

She started to talk to me. It was not the deep voice one would expect from a Whoopi look-alike, but rather the slightly-effeminate voice I would associate with Bill Maher.

I said "Who are you?" She ignored me, as she would throughout the entire "conversation", answering none of my questions.

She started:

"I want you to form a new Church, a church that focuses on tolerance, acceptance, and peace. The sword is appropriate sometimes, but the focus should be on peace.

I am tired of having my gay and lesbian children so mistreated, especially as it is so often done in my name. As they have claimed for so long, it is Nature and not Nurture that results in their existence. Given how they have been treated, it is impossible that anyone would consciously "choose" that path.

My heterosexual children should consider whether they are able to wake up tomorrow and "decide" to be gay.

Those earlier Gospel transcriptionists totally screwed up "abomination" in Leviticus- it was not AbOmINation, it was ObAmANation, which you will see in a couple of years as a great, positive thing for the world. Remember, eating shellfish was also described in Leviticus as an "abomination", and no way are lobsters, oysters, crab, or clams evil or debaucherous.

However, my new Church is for all of those subjected to bigotry and hatred, for their families, friends, and supporters, and, as I inspired for the Statue of Liberty, for "... your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free..."

The new Church is to take what you deem to be the best aspects of the world's great religions, and combine them into one short, concise creed.

One thing- do NOT include the Old Testament. I did not inspire the Old Testament anymore than I inspired, say, those American novels written by Henry Miller or Jacqueline Susann. The first time I read the Old Testament, I said "Jeeeeezus Christ, what crap!"

The question of a Supreme Being is to be left open to individual choice and belief, and nobody shall judge that decision, lest they be judged tenfold more harshly by me. Likewise is the question of an afterlife to be left open, as that, too, shall be an individual and unassailable belief.

The focus shall be on life, not death, on behavior and thought, and on each other.

Lastly, it shall be called the Worldwide Congregaytion, and you shall take the name of Papa Cavalieri I. It's a great name, and further proof that I neither visited Joseph Smith nor ever gave him anything.

Go forth, and do good things.

So, that's it. That's where we are today, and I have to think the passage of Prop 8 this past week happened as a catalyst for change.

I'm proud of my selection, and awed by the task ahead.

On the other hand, that week in May 2007 was the same week that Jerry Falwell died, and I may simply have been chosen to be one old fat lunatic asshole replacing another!

I can't do it...

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It's 4:57, and all day I have been determined to watch Master and Commander at 5:00- no Keith, no Rachael.

Shit! I can't do it! Sigh...

Wow...

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It's 10:46 PM, Pacific Time. I have a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes.

On a National level, there are few ways things could have gone better.

At the State level, though, it appears that Pope Benedict Arnold and Mormon President Thomas Monster have successfully spent millions of tax-free dollars to smash the separation of Church and State and impose their religious beliefs on those who are not members of their churches, or any religions. I am sure the Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves.

It's too bad there is no God- I would love to see them called to task by Her for them using so much money on politics and not on food and medicine for the poor.

And their lies... That's the 9th Commandment, right? Thou Shalt Not Lie? Just above Masturbation, and just below Thou Shalt Not Eat Meat, nor Perform Cunnilingus or Fellatio on Fridays? Priests are exempt from the Fellatio portion, but few people know it.

We'll get there- it just was not our time. Certainly, the CA Supreme Court will not invalidate those weddings that have already taken place.

So, despite that thorn, that Kryptonite, let's celebrate that we have elected an African American to be president of the United States, and what that means for us as a nation, and for our standing in the World.

We also celebrate the fact that the scurrilous accusations of terrorist, Muslim, socialist, Marxist, guilt by Reverend, that a fist bump between a husband and wife was a "terrorist fist bump", radical, inexperience (but a 1 term governor of a sparsely-populated state is not), did not take hold, and the voters saw through it.

While we soak in our glee and bask, almost breathlessly, in this moment of history, we also have to start to think about whom we are going to replace Joe Biden with as VP in 4 years to establish the heir apparent for four years from then.

It should be a woman...

Huh?

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Bible Spice, or Caribou Barbie, if you prefer, flew all the way home to Alaska to vote, and is now headed back to Arizona.

After she voted, she was asked who she voted for, and she exercised her right to keep that private.

WHAT?!?!?!

I though it was a joke. And no, they were not asking about a lesser race- they were talking about POTUS.

Unbelievable...

Grandma- and life's dominoes.

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Today, Barack Obama's grandmother, "Toot", passed away from cancer. If there is any truth and justice in the world, tomorrow her grandson will be elected President of the United States of America.

In 1965, my mother gave my father an ultimatum- either we were moving to California, or they were getting divorced.

Apparently, Fidelity was neither an investment nor a practice in our household. I will never forget the time I asked my mom why she stayed with Dad after all his "side jobs", and she replied that he was not the only one.

Right out of Thorn Birds, I somehow knew, in a twisted way, I was there before him. I didn't know the details. I do now, but they are unimportant.

What is important, at least today, is that my family had lived in Oswego, NY, since at least before the Civil War. At one time, I had 5 living grandmothers. When we moved west, we left behind in NY 21 cousins on one side of the family, with 4 sets of aunts and uncles, and 6 cousins and another aunt/uncle combo in North Carolina. On the other side, were dozens of other cousins, and numerous aunts and uncles.

Would I have been as successful had we stayed there? I dunno. Would I have met the love of my life, she from Monterey, CA, which should be spelled Monterrey? No.

Still, I think about going back every single day- back to the place where the love of my life thought she saw the smallest bear she had ever seen, dead along the road, when, in fact, she had seen the biggest PORCUPINE ever seen, dead alongside the road.

Back to reasonable land prices, a Great Lake, four seasons, excellent fishing, Revolutionary War history, Fort Ontario, but mostly to the numerous aunts and uncles still there, and to my cousins, many of whom are still alive and have added spouses and kids.

I don't know how Barack feels, but I suspect it is very similar- except that he does not have the time to feel it right now. Maybe Wednesday...

Syria...

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Nine days before the election, with the economy killing John McCain's hope of being POTUS, the United States makes an unprecedented foray into Syria- a country with whom we have been trying to improve our relationship.

It would seem to me that there is only one explanation- increase the criticism of the U.S. by the countries of the Middle East, to try to improve the electability of the War-Monger from Arizona.

Mutilation...

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Things are going bad for John McCain right now, and I hope they continue that way unabated.

I was shocked to hear of the suspicious "black" man who robbed a female McCain supporter from Texas, in Pittsburgh, and carved a "B", presumably for "Barack", in her right cheek.

Authorities became suspicious when inconsistencies in her story began to appear, and the ATM records did not show her using that ATM at the purported time.

Uh, excuse me. Did anybody think there might be something amiss when the "B" was backwards, or did the police think it was just some dumb "nigger" who couldn't spell?

Let's see, a perfectly-carved, backwards "B" on somebody's cheek raised no suspicion on its own? No way.

This occurred in Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania. Where some pretty uncomplimentary things have been said about the space between Philly and 'burgh- as in it's Alabama.

I know. I think I will hit the ATM for some cash, and then I think I will carve a big "O", for "Old Man McCain", on my right my butt cheek.

See, the good thing about an "O" would be that I could not carve it backwards.

Thinking about spelling also reminds me that Obama (Amabo) is likely the closest we will ever get to a perfect palindrome presidency.

There is some mental disability involved with this young woman, but there is no truth to the rumors that the young lady is related to Tom Eagleton or Joe the Plumber, or that she is an unlicensed tattoo artist who wants to buy the shop where she works.

Boots Erb...

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I met Boots Erb in 1983, when I was living in Vacaville. He was looking for somebody to move into his house near Winters, and rebuild it.

Twenty-five plus years later, I am still in Winters, and I have been closer to Boots than I was to my own father.

In the early years, Boots would tell me stories that I would take with a grain of salt.

That ended one day, the grain of salt part, that is, when a helicopter, a Bell Jet Ranger, hovered over the house, and landed on the driveway. An old guy, dresses in overalls and a denim shirt got out, walked up to me, stuck out his hand, and said "Hi, I'm Ken Hoffman. Is Boots here?"

Ken Hoffman. Hoffman Homes.

Then I started going to dinners with Boots. He and Karal decided I needed to be spruced up some, and they bought me a Cal-blue jacket one year for Christmas, so I could go in style.

I quickly realized at these dinners that Boots and I did not get up to go see the "celebrities", that they came to see us.

Mike White. Joe Kapp. George Seifert. Bill Walsh. Ronnie Lott. John Madden. Et cetera...

When he had told me that he took care of all these guys when they were just starting out, there was no exaggeration at all- he did just that. He would feed them at his Bow & Bell Restaurant in Jack London Square, the same place where Clint Eastwood used to play the piano for meals before he became famous.

Mike White told me last summer about the buses Boots would rent to take fans to the Big Games at Stanford, and how afterward they would go to Mike's house in Los Altos Hills to party.

Boots' dad, Charley Erb, played quarterback at Cal on the Wonder Team, going undefeated over 3 years, and passing on the Rose Bowl just because they wanted to be home for the Holidays. He went on to be one of those guys who were responsible for talking the Japanese out of the caves after the war was lost for them.

I moved in with Boots and Karal a couple of times, after I split (twice) with my first wife. It's always been a home for me, where I could go without question, with no doubt about how I would be received.

I spent most of today helping move Boots into a Convalescent Home in Vacaville. He had just become too much for Karal. The girls, Kelly and Anneliese, were there, and it was awful for all four of us- but at the same time we knew it was the right thing to do.

When my time comes, just take me to Soda Springs in the middle of winter, and leave me lying in the snow.

I have had better days, and few worse...

2000 Days...

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As was pointed out today by both Keith and Rachael, and maybe Chris, too, it has been 2000 days since George Bush declared victory, or "Mission Accomplished", on the aircraft carrier U.S.S Abraham Lincoln.

2000 days. Thousands of lives.

Nice call, George...

Matthew Shepard effect?

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As I drive around town, and around Central CA, I can't help being hopeful that there will be a Matthew Shepard effect.

It is inconceivable to me that there are so many people ready to impose their own views upon others.

I don't mean the fringe wackos, but the mainstream- the REAL Christians, the one who go to church on Sunday, or Saturday nights, and forget about it the rest of the time...

The pressure to take a sign home and post it when the entire congregation is watching may not translate to the same check box in the voting booth.

Hopefully...

REJECTION! I KNEW IT!

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This just in: From Miami (Ohio) University

"Rejection can make a person more intuitive. New research suggests individuals who have faced the cold shoulder can more easily spot phony people.

The ability to spot a fabricated smile, exhibited by test subjects who had suffered rejection could be a relic of our past, the researchers said.

"This seems to be a skill we've acquired through evolution," said researcher Michael Bernstein, a doctoral student in social psychology at Miami University in Ohio. "Living in groups several hundreds of years ago was extremely important to survival. Being kicked out of the group was like death, so they became very good at reading facial expressions and social cues.""

My evolution has gone well beyond others.

As I have mentioned before, the rejection of me by girls, as well as the persecution of me by the older sexually-frustrated women dressed in black and white, and armed with maple pointers, caused me great distress.

When I got older, and found out how many gay or pedophile Catholic priests there are in the world, the actual depth of my rejection really hit home: apparently the priests had rejected me along the way, too.

Maybe I just missed their signals, but I don't think so.

Maybe if they had only known I wasn't wearing anything under my Altar Boy dress- and especially now that I know that lying down with men is like eating lobster!

Anyway, here I am at 53 with little tolerance for phonies, fakes, bigots, arrogance, prejudice, and Men Who Would Be Kings.

Now, I know why...

Marriage... (an expansion of "Doing God's Work")

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Well, well, our little Catholic Church has stirred up a hornet's nest. Last Sunday, they gave out "Yes on 8" signs at Mass.

Problem is there are apparently gay folks, gay children, and/or gay grandchildren that are members of the Parish, as well as others who either disagree with the Church's position, or the very fact that the Church is taking a position.

The Main Street Chapel did the same thing.

800 years ago, the Catholic Church first visited the marriage issue. It seems that the property and estate claims of priests' families were interfering with the Church's accumulation of wealth, so, retroactively, all priests' marriages were annulled and no more permitted. For a couple hundred years, the Church was ignored, but the Council of Trent sealed the priests' fate by 1563.

Now comes another business decision. You betcha! The Catholic Church cannot run the risk of the hundreds of gay priests in this state, or the thousands nationwide, leaving the priesthood and settling down to marital bliss here in California like the rest of us.

Nope, the Church wants, no, needs them to stay safely tucked away in their own version of the closet, the confessional. So, YES ON 8! CHURCHES PREACH HATE!

Theology, my eye-for-an-eye!

Sure, Leviticus says to lie with a man as with a woman is an abomination. It also says that eating shellfish is an abomination. So, eating lobster, crab, oysters, clams, and shrimp is equivalent to lying with another guy? I hope they at least exempted bearded clams- oh wait, I'll just call it red snapper.

Oh, how many Rosaries shall I say after the Crab and Pasta Feed? And I had 15 oysters at Harvest Fest last weekend.

Man, if this being gay thing were a choice, I would be all over that if it's like eating lobster. I love shellfish! And I doubt that lying with a man is as fattening.

And I sense new metaphors for Gay Sex here: shelling the lobster, shucking the oyster, peeling the shrimp.

Old Levi also tells us we are to have a 6-day work week, wear no clothes containing both linen and wool, have no tattoos, and, of local interest, we shall eat no food from a tree until the tree is 5 years old.

I guess the Bible is like a buffet, huh? Just take what you want, and leave the rest?

Did you know that any man who sleeps with a servant can be forgiven if he simply has a priest help him sacrifice a Ram?

I hate the Rams. I would gladly sacrifice a Ram to save my libidinous friends. Current players only, or retirees, too? If we could somehow work the Dodgers into the script, this whole sacrifice thing would be perfect.

The most interesting thing about Leviticus is that it's the Incest Book. It's the prohibitor of incest, and lists all the possible transgressions.

Funny thing is, though, it never mentions fathers and daughters. It does prohibit prostituting one's daughter, so God didn't somehow just forget about daughters. Look it up the next time you dust off your ol' Bible.

I had a couple rounds of rejection therapy that are Catholic-related. The first was when I was younger, and endured the anguish of none of the girls being interested in me. Hard to imagine, huh?

My more recent bout of therapy was when I realized that apparently the priests didn't want anything to do with me, either!

I know, straight to Hell, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $ 100- in this GOP economy, it's half what it once was for passing Go...

Taking away somebody's Civil Rights because of religious beliefs? Where have we seen that before? Hitler. Al Qaida. Tibet. Wow, pretty lofty company, huh?

An assault on one of our proudest traditions, the separation of Church & State? Treason. Where have we seen that before? Benedict Arnold- and now, Pope Benedict Arnold- not even a citizen of this country.

A local farmer asked me not long ago if I was a member of any organized religion. I resisted playing the "oxymoron" card, and just said no. He nodded his head and said "oh" like that explained it all. It was one of the saddest moments of my life- such a small exchange capturing what is wrong with our country today and displaying such ignorance of what our country is supposed to stand for.

By the way, these holy folks are lying to you in the TV commercials. Lying. Uh, Commandment # 9, right? Just below masturbation, and right above No Eating Meat On Friday- or Viernes, as the real owners of California would say.

Speaking of masturbation, that's my favorite Catholic joke. The Nun catches the little boy in the closet with his pants down. She looks at him and says, as she has hundreds of times over the years, "Don't do that, you'll go blind." He looks up at her, and replies "Can I do it until I need glasses?"

Or there's the one about a priest walking out of a bar- hey, it could happen!

Proposition 8 is not about Parental Rights. The California Ed Code requires schools to teach RESPECT of marriage, not WHO can or should get married.

Here's the deal: I'm certified to officiate at marriages. We have a little more than 3 weeks. I 'm retired and my schedule is flexible. I have already officiated at four gay wedding ceremonies, and our little town seems to be holding up just fine.

Gay people: if you would like to get married in beautiful Winters, maybe have dinner at the Buckhorn or any of our other great restaurants, and maybe see a show at the Palms, e-mail me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com, and I will officiate- free of charge. All you need is your license.

As a bonus, I'll post the hate mail I receive on my blog: www.JesusLovesGP.blogspot.com.

I know, if we fuck this up, maybe in two years we can vote the blacks back into slavery, the Jews back into concentration camps, the Native Americans back to the rez, the Japanese back into internment, and the Mexicans back into the fields- oh, wait.

Americans do not impose their religious beliefs on others, especially other Americans. On November 4th, you can vote on Proposition 8 as an American or as a bigot- it's as simple as that.

My name is Tom McMasters-Stone, I'm Catholic, I approved this Blog Post, and send my Excommunication paperwork to the right goddamn address- suitable for framing, please.

Wow...

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I was reading a Greg Iles book, my second. He's a great author.

Blood Memory is deep, dark, cleverly woven, but I won't spoil the plot.

However, it was pointed out in the book that Leviticus prohibits incest, but specifically omits one's own daughter in the listed prohibitions.

Sure enough...

Leviticus 18:6

None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD. 7 The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 8 The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness. 9 The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. 10 The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness. 11 The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 12 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman. 13 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman. 14 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt. 15 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 16 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness. 17 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. 18 Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.

Wow.

Of course, it's Leviticus that calls lying with a man an abomination- which it also applies to eating shellfish. Getting drilled, or doing the drilling, in another guy's ass and eating lobster- both abominations.

If there is a segue' there, I don't see it.

Of course, Leviticus also says we should not eat the "Fruits" of trees until the tree is five years old, we should wear no garment made of both linen and wool, we shall have no tattoos ("markings"), and that we can be absolved of adultery by offering a Ram for sacrifice.

I hate the Rams, and I have no trouble sacrificing them for the absolution of my libidinous friends. Is it only current Rams, or are former Rams ok, too?

If we could work the Dodgers in somehow, my life would be complete.

Doing God's Work

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Today here in Winters, the Catholic Church and the Main Street Church handed out Yes on 8 campaign signs, and the Catholic Church actually has a sign on a lot it owns behind the church.

Imagine all those gay priests having to urge their parishioners to vote a certain way, all the while thinking "Yeah, right..." to themselves.

Am I the only one thinking the Catholic Church should pay less attention to California state politics and more time policing their own employees?

I love the Catholic Church, though we parted ways years ago. However, I have undergone two rounds of rejection therapy: the first was because the girls didn't want anything to do with me in Catholic School; the second was when I realized that apparently the priests didn't want anything to do with me either!

Here's the deal: I'm certified to officiate at marriages. We have a little more than 3 weeks. I 'm retired and my schedule is flexible.

Gay people: if you would like to get married in beautiful Winters, maybe have dinner at the Buckhorn or any of our other great restaurants, and maybe see a show at the Palms, e-mail me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com, and I will officiate- free of charge. All you need is your license.

As a bonus, I 'll post the hate mail I receive right here on my blog. Most of it will be from Granite Bay, I'm sure.

Winters is a great town. Yes, we have some nuts that don't like our fruits, but that's just life, n'est pas?

Rut Roh...

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Sarah Palin is guilty of abusing her powers, and violating Alaska ethics laws. The Investigation was launched, and released unanimously, by a Legislative Committee of 10 Republicans and Four Democrats.

The lying GOP ticket released a statement that basically said they were glad to see the Governor completely vindicated. Huh?

My prediction: John McCain will use this Troopergate scandal to set Sarah free, and replace her with another GOP woman- of integrity, of history, of intelligence.  Of course, that's what he thought the first time, too.

The likely choices are Jodi Rell from Connecticut, Linda Lingle, the Jewish governor of Hawaii, or former governor Christine Todd Whitman.

Or maybe he will pan for gold in the Senate...

Replacing Sarah is the only chance, and choice, he has- after hammering on character for weeks, and especially after today, where his own crowds booed him when he told a woman that Obama is not an Arab, that he is an honorable man, a good family man, and that they do not need to be "scared" of an Obama presidency.

He'll realize it, and he'll do it. That will change the readings on the Barackometers, me thinks- but enough? I hope not...

PS- I apologize for stereotyping Kansas in an earlier version.  Dorothy was right, I guess we're not in Kansas anymore.

Full Disclosure

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As an elected official, I must disclose that I once washed my hands in a sink at O'Hare Airport in Chicago immediately after former Weather Underground Radical William Ayres used the very same sink.

Given this incident, and the hoopla that is likely to ensue as news of this incident spreads, I have decided not to serve more than 20 years as a City Councilman here in Winters, CA.

The rumor that I was Bill Ayres' Best Man, that I am thinking of having his baby, or that we sit down whenever we can to watch my Sharks beat up his Blackhawks is nothing but lies being spread by the NRA- the National Retards Association.

I am, however, mad about the other lie being spread about me, that prior to washing my hands that day, I was having sex with Senator Larry Craig in the Handicapped stall.

That's the worst thing anybody has ever said about me! No, not that I might be Gay, although we know Larry the Toe Tapper is not gay and has never been gay.

No, calling me Gay doesn't bother me a bit.

However, to imply that I would EVER stoop so low as to sleep with a Republican is GODDAMN OUTRAGEOUS!!!

SCOOP NYT!!!!!!! John McCain is Dead, addendum...

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I have never scooped the New York Times before. This is from their editorial today:

"It is a sorry fact of American political life that campaigns get ugly, often in their final weeks. But Senator John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin have been running one of the most appalling campaigns we can remember."

John McCain is dead...

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John McCain breathed his last breath this week.

Oh sure, he's still walking around- do you describe that as walking? It's more like a taller Ewok shuffle, isn't it?

He may even win the election in 4 weeks, but the real John McCain- the one we used to know, used to respect, who used to aspire to be a man of integrity, the heir to Barry Goldwater's throne, the "maverick" (pardon me while I chug a beer) is dead.

He's clearly close to losing it, he is so outraged that this young guy is still in the game, let alone winning it.

I actually think there is a great chance he will blow up tonight during the debate, and end it right there in Nashville.

Calling Barack Obama a "Chicago politician" like it's a slur and asking "What do we really know about Barack Obama?" were almost the final couple lines of his epitaph.

I have been screaming about the audacity of questioning the patriotism of a United States Senator, or suggesting one might be a terrorist, for months now. Remember, this is Hillary's fault. SHE started it during the Primaries.

Ed Schultz has gotten on the audacity bandwagon now, although I don't scoop him very often. Some guy called in this morning, and pointed out that Barack had been at meetings with William Ayers. Ed asked him "Do you really think a United States Senator is a terrorist?" The guy replied "Yes.", and Ed told him he was a "frickin' idiot".

Almost the last lines of his epitaph? Yes.

The very last lines came today in the form of non-actions.

Yesterday, during separate stump speeches of Johnny Appleseed and Sister Soulmate, two of their Neo-Nazi Fascist supporters were heard to very audibly yell out "terrorist" and "kill him", referring to Barack.

I will grant that Winkin' and Noddin' may have not heard the comments at the time they were uttered, but they are certainly aware of it now- and not a single disclaimer from them, their campaigns, or their surrogates.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

When George Bush's folks spread rumors in 2000 about John McCain having fathered a black child out-of-wedlock, Ol' John obviously paid attention.

We have not seen such treachery from national politicians since Joe McCarthy.

If it turns out I'm wrong about God, then John Sidney McCain III and Sarah Louise Heath Palin should be made to burn in Hell forever- and they can take that goddamn Hillary with them.

Common Sense in Unusual Times

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I'm sorry that CitiCorp is mad at Wells Fargo over the purchase of Wachovia.

However, the Wells Fargo offer includes no government money, and the CitiCorp offer includes beaucoup.

Uh, no need to use a Lifeline on this one...

Religious Bigotry

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I am so tired of people using the Bible to justify discrimination.

The Bible, strangely enough, may have been the source of Hitler's hatred of Jews.

We know it was the justification for the treatment of the Central and South Americans, and the Native Americans.

We also know it was used to justify slavery, prevent racial inter-marriage, and to this day Blacks do not have equal status in most church hierarchies.

This Country was founded on Liberty and Individual Rights. People who would impose their views or beliefs on others are quite simply traitors to the very fabric of our Country- no better than Benedict Arnold, Joseph McCarthy, or the Rosenbergs.

The latest bit of treachery is the assault on gay rights by the Yes on Prop 8 crowd.

TRUE Americans, the real Patriots of this Country, real people of ethics and morals are those that can set aside their personal beliefs, and recognize the real reasons this great country was founded.

Naturally, it's the most difficult to do when there are negative personal consequences.

With Prop 8, it should be a slam dunk- the gay marriages performed here in California, in Massachusetts, and around the world, have not affected one hetero marriage- not one iota, not one molecule, not one nanoton.

So, if you are really proud to be an American and what we are supposed to stand for, oppose Prop 8.

If you live in or near the 95694 Zip Code, and want to advertise your pride in our history, demonstrate your patriotism and your love of country, you should get a lawn sign. Email me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com and I will get you one.

So it begins...

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Dickless-Cheney was giving a speech today.

The Press was allowed in for 5 minutes before they were shuttled out. Not sure how that works with the First Amendment, but the decimation of the Constitution under the GOP rule will not be on the Front Page of any U.S. newspapers anytime soon.

She suggested that Barack is unpatriotic, and is "hanging around with terrorists...".

She said she got the information from the NY Times story from today- which concluded there was no proof that anything other than a cross-paths relationship existed between Obama and the "terrorist".

See? I knew it! She can't read!

To "Kill" a Mockingbird...

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As I sat here last night talking to my friend, Tom, I told him this was the last we would "see" of Sarah Palin until the election.

He was incredulous. I said, nope, that's the way it was going to be, and it would seal their fate.

"Tonight and tomorrow, they are all going to be talking about how well she did, all the while knowing they escaped almost-certain doom by the skin of their teeth", and I assured him that she would not get a chance to repeat her miserable "Katie Couric Week".

Speeches, joint appearances, Fox News: probably. Face the Nation, Countdown, Bill Maher, Rachael Maddow, Meet the Press, The Today Show, The View: never.

The American People will see through it like a Madonna Tank Top. If this election is decided by the people that pay attention, it's over.

Black and White...

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My friend Elliot has suggested that, while I pride myself in seeing things in Black and White, I might not be as good at it as I think, or would like.

That was last week, and I have thought a lot about it, off and on, in the intervening days.

I understand his point, but he's wrong.

It's not that I am treating the two campaigns differently, it's that we are viewing two completely different campaigns.

As we saw yesterday in front of the editorial board of the Des Moines Register, nothing bad ever happens to the McCain campaign, everybody loves him and her, no mistakes are made, no false steps occur.

His 100% reputation of integrity is intact, and unquestionable. When it was pointed out that he approved a message falsely claiming Barack Obama voted for a bill to educate Kindergarteners in sex ed, he replied that he needed a better example than that.

Uh, the Keating 5? Sending troops to war under a lie? Claiming credit for a GI Bill you opposed? Where and when does it stop?

On the other hand, Barack Obama has corrected his campaign staff, and even disagreed with Joe Biden, on several occasions. What a concept.

Two campaigns?

Barack Obama is not telling America that John McCain is a White Supremacist, but John McCain is trying to hint to America that Barack Obama is a Muslim Terrorist.

Barack Obama is not screaming about John McCain's questionable pastor ties, nor Sarah Palin's videotaped encounter with an African Witch Doctor, but John McCain is trying to convince America that Barack Obama is an angry black man because of the things said by Jeremiah Wright.

Barack Obama is not questioning John McCain's patriotism, but John McCain is questioning Barack Obama's. Questioning the patriotism of ANY United States Senator is quite simply outrageous.

John McCain is trying to sell Barack Obama as an elitist, but doesn't know how many homes he owns.

When Sarah Palin, who clearly qualifies as a Dickless Cheney, contradicted his Pakistan Border policy, it was because it was a "gotcha" question.

Last week, John McCain took credit for a bailout that failed, and then blamed Barack Obama for the failure.

Last week, McCain ads appeared in several places, claiming he handily won the debate- except they appeared the morning of the debate that didn't take place until that evening.

John McCain accuses the Harvard Law Review alumni, and 12-year law professor, of not knowing the difference between a strategy and a tactic. Barack Obama knows that John McCain's strategy is to make the American public afraid of him; the tactic is to lie to them all that Barack Obama will raise their taxes.

My rules of the game are the same for everyone- but they do have to be in the same game.

Debate...

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So, what if we gave a Debate, and both parties didn't show up?

Debates are not speeches. The Moderator asks questions, and the candidates answer them- well, maybe not in Alaska.

"I may not answer the questions the way you or the Moderator likes, but I am going to talk... to the American People."

Debates are not speeches. Debates require answers. Don't like the answers? Ignore them, and change the question.

In the end, she couldn't answer Gwen Ifill any better than she answered Katie Couric.

She wasn't Jefferson Smith or Atticus Finch, not even close, but she was no William Hung, either.

Proposition Ballot Guide

Proposition 1: High-Speed Rail- the longer we wait, the more $$ it will cost. YES

Proposition 2: Pregnant hogs and hens SHOULD be able to stand up and turn around, n'est pas?
YES

Proposition 3: Childrens' Hospital Bond Act- $ 400,000,000.00 is still left from the last C. H. Bond measure.
NO

Proposition 4: Another Parental Notification Boondoggle
NO

Proposition 5: Non-Violent Offender Reform and Rehab; Good intentions, bad form and timing. Reducing non-violent marijuana/drug sentences is a good thing; the argument that reducing parole length endangers us more is ridiculous, as parolees are already on the street. The difficulty for me is spending 1 billion dollars annually right now, even though it may reduce increases in Prison Spending by 1 billion annually- in the future. The League of Women Voters says YES, so...
YES

Proposition 6: Mandates Law Enforcement Funding;
NO

Proposition 7: Energy Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 8: Equality for All
NO! NO! NO!

Proposition 9: Victims' Rights Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 10: Alternative Fuel Vehicle Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 11: Redistricting
NO

Proposition 12: Veterans Bond Act
YES

Osmotic Higher Education

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I've got it! I finally know what she's talking about! Hallelujah!

Today, I went on a Mickaboo run to Vacaville, on to Sacramento, and back home via Davis.

It was the greatest day of my life, a day of fulfillment, of becoming a Sequoia Sempervirens of my former self.

It started out innocently enough. I went by Shelbi's house to pick up a bird stand, and then headed out of town.

Things shifted gears suddenly as I was stopped at the stop sign in front of the Buckhorn Saloon and Roadhouse. I felt the truck tremble for about 10 seconds, and the cab filled with BBQ smoke. All of a sudden I felt like Emeril Lagasse, able to cook anything. I looked down at my t-shirt, and there, printed upside down so I could read it while cooking, was the world's greatest Prime Rib recipe.

The guy behind me honked, breaking my reverie, so I continued on my journey.

As I got near Pedrick & I-80, I passed a scarecrow in a field. All of a sudden, I was sweating profusely and shouting uncontrollably that "the square of the length of the hypotenuse of a right triangle equals the sum of the squares of the lengths of the two other sides!"

This was getting weirder by the minute. I opened the door to make sure I was not driving on yellow bricks, and then scanned the horizon for any signs of a tornado.

My journey through Davis on I-80 was uneventful until I got to the old McClellan AFB flight pattern. There was an United States C-130, my favorite airplane, flying in, of all places, United States airspace, and passing right over my truck. I could actually feel the vibrations of its engines as it passed.

All of a sudden, the theme from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang replaced Ed Schultz on my satellite radio, the lenses of my glasses became virtual C-130 instrument panels, and I was flying over Folsom Lake.

My only regret is that my favorite plane was not a bomber. I have seen the Letters to the Editor that come to the Sacramento Bee from Roseville and Granite Bay, and their continuums could use some rearranging.

Then, in the blink of an eye, I was suddenly parked in front of the Bird Shop. I shook my head, figured I was dreaming, but I still cannot explain how that Dick Van Dyke picture got on my dashboard.

I got my bird supplies and headed home.

I love Sacramento, so I went through downtown. As I was idling at a stop light, I looked over and saw an Austrian restaurant sitting next to a cigar shop, and all of a sudden I knew I was uniquely qualified to be governor of California.

At this point, I was exhausted- and hungry. I needed some money. I saw a WaMu that still had WaMu signs up, not yet having converted to JP Morgan/Chase/Oracle/BofA/Branch Providians or whatever they are going to become.

I went up and took out 40 bucks. The receipt rolled out of the ATM like a Diploma, and I realized right then that I could run a bank that size.

Suddenly I felt like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man- or was it Midnight Cowboy? Well, it was one of the two.

If you have paid attention you will know that the head of WaMu has been employed for 17 days, got a 7 million dollar signing bonus, and has an 11 million dollar severance package. 18 days = 18 million dollars. I could do that.

I finally made it back to Winters. I parked my truck at home, and wandered down to my favorite watering hole, the aforementioned Buckhorn. They were not officially open, but I take very good care of my waiters and waitresses, so I can usually get served a little early.

I was sitting there drinking my favorite Russian vodka, a third double-Stoli on the rocks, and thinking about my day.

I had transitioned from retired Battalion Chief, Mickaboo volunteer, and small-town elected official to world-famous chef, math genius, airplane pilot, world banking executive, and was ready to become the cigar-chomping leader of the 7th largest economy in the world whenever they asked- all via osmosis, all in one day.

I shook it all off, and I sought peace by reading a tattoo magazine, when a friend asked me if I wanted to try a Canadian Club on the rocks. I said sure, but as I drained it I felt something dripping down my arms.

On my right arm, under my Anarchist "A" tattoo was a tattoo of a Maple Leaf that I had never seen before; on my left arm, under my Vendetta "V" tattoo was another new tattoo, the Russian Hammer and Sickle. Both were dripping blood, as all new tattoos do.

All of a sudden, my destiny was clear: I was to be the leader of some frigid, beautiful place crammed in between Canada and Russia. As I looked in the Bar mirror, I noticed my round glasses were now square, and my brunette hair was showing blond streaks.

I felt like one of the Blues Brothers, Jake, of course: "It's 2138 miles to Juneau, I have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, I'm wearing dark glasses, and I am on a mission from God."

Hey, cheer up- if it could happen to me, it could have happened to Caribou Barbie, too.

Meanderings...

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John McCain has mentioned several times now that the fundamentals of economy are sound- now it turns out he meant the "American Workers". Right. John McCain, man of the blue-collar workers. Yeah, right. We should be so concerned about somebody who can lie so easily.

Randi Rhodes, I think, referred to Sarah Palin as "Caribou Barbie"- a classic.

Sing along with me: "Nobody really likes Sarah P..." (Sara Lee)

ALS...

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I have been in a bit of a funk the last few days. A couple of my siblings are not getting along, and I am dismayed that things I hold dear, like community service and the rule of law, as in "reading them their rights" are being maligned by the pitbull with lipstick, who is giving both pitbulls and Revlon a bad name.

Today we had a speaker at Rotary telling us about A.L.S., or Lou Gehrig's Disease as it is most commonly known.

There is no cure, there is not even any clear cause, although serving in the U.S. Military makes you 60% more likely to get it- a truly bizarre statistic.

It's a disease of the membrane that allows the muscles to function. It's a disease of elimination, symptom by symptom, where they rule everything else out before they come to the conclusion that you have A.L.S. Most people die from the disease in 3-5 years.

The worst part is your brain is 100% functional until the very end. That brought a level of grief to me that I have rarely felt- such tragedy, such outrage, such pain, such suffering.

The other "worst" part of it is that Major League Baseball does nothing to benefit ALS research- zip, zilch, nada. A disease that struck down one of their greatest players, one of their statesmen- and zero.

I intend to do something about that- I hope.

Way to go, Ed!

X
As he so often does, Ed Schultz got it exactly right today. He was trying to calm the fears over the GOP "bounce" that occurred, and was expected, after the Convention. I may not have it verbatim.

"Barack Obama selected a running mate that would be great for running the Country; John McCain selected a running mate he thought would be great for winning the election..."

Bullseye! So much for Country First!

My Daughter-In-Law sent me this...

If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you’re a token hire.
If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you’re a game-changer.”

If you live in an urban area and you get a girl pregnant, you’re a baby daddy.”
If you’re the same in Alaska, you’re a teen father.”

(Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an !^%#! redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A crisis in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A blessed event.”

If you’re 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant, life happens.”
If you’re 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you’re a registered sex offender.”

If you grow up in Hawaii, you’re exotic.”
Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re the quintessential American story.”

If you name your kid Barack, you’re unpatriotic.”
Name your kid Track, you’re colorful.”

If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual, you’re reckless.”
A Republican who doesn’t fully vet a VP pick is a maverick.”

If you say that for the first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country, it makes you unfit to be First Lady.
If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession, that makes you First Dude.”

A DUI from twenty years ago is old news.”
A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is relevant information.”

If you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s reoccurrence of cancer, you’re a questionable spouse.”
If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome- well, we don’t know what that is because THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you’re a phony.”
Get 100,000+ people to vote you in as governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you’re well-loved.”

If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to get to know you.”
If you’re white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you’re one of us.”

If you give your wife a jab on stage, it's actually a terrorist fist jab.”
If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child’s hair on national TV it’s an adorable moment. (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills!).

If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you’re an extremist.”
If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you’re a fundamentalist.”

If you’re a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're uppity.”
If you’re a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate

It might actually be five more school over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Sarah, Vain & Petty was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, we all know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii.

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of Change, it’s just empty rhetoric.”
If one week before your party’s national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about Change, that’s red meat.”

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you’re female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you’re a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist- Yes, we can!
If you’re a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska- Yup, yup!”

Huh?

x
Yesterday in Sacramento, a jury hung 9-3 in favor of guilty on a charge of manslaughter against a guy who drove without a license, got into an accident, and killed one of his passengers.

One of the "3" said it was just an accident, that he made a "poor choice".

Maybe that would be the case if you were a licensed driver, but if you are not, how could a jury come back with anything but guilty?

Did I mention he was a soldier?

Sarah, Vain and Small

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I didn't listen to the Barracuda's speech.

I read the reports that she did well, was poised and well-spoken, and was not surprised. Most hockey moms are, after all, known for being articulate, n'est pas?

Then I heard David Gregory ask somebody if they thought the constant mocking of Obama would turn off or offend the Independent voters.

That intrigued me, so I started looking at the clips of the speech.

In what was reminiscent of Joe Biden's early (and taken out of context) comment that Barack is well-groomed and clean, the assessment of her speaking abilities were sexistly-biased. Obviously, she was not judged by the same standards as the men. It reminds me of the old Olympic Gymnastics events, though this time ALL the judges must have been Russian!

She can read a teleprompter.

You don't suppose that those old chauvinist Republicans are just amazed to find a good-looking woman who can read, do you?

Her mocking of Obama was classless and insulting. Belittling Community Organizing? Very easy to do from rich, all-white Alaska, I guess, where everybody is born with a silver icicle in their mouths.

It was very easy to see that the speech was, in fact, written by one of George Bush's speech writers.

The Bottom Line? Obama raised $ 10 million the day after, and McCain raised $ 1 million.

Keep talking Sarah!

Another gay wedding...

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Yesterday, I had the honor of officiating at another gay wedding ceremony, this time leaving our local Gayzebo unmolested, and having all the festivities in Davis.

A little friend of mine, now 11 I guess, who I have watched and admired for years, made the profound statement that "It's impossible to be sad when you are blowing bubbles." Fabulous!

I also experienced perhaps the highlight of my musical career- I think it will probably never get better than singing Charlene's "Never Been To Me" and "Dancing Queen" anchored by a bunch of handsome, articulate, talented gay guys, with some drunk heterosexuals along for the ride, too. It was the cultural Mount Everest of my life, so far- or maybe K-2 or Kilimanjaro.

Son or grandson?

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At first, the rumors were that the First Daughter of Alaska was pregnant. Now it appears that the more likely, yet still unsubstantiated, facts are that there already is a First Grandson of Alaska.

It seems that at the time the very-slender-but-pregnant Governor was parading around the State, the First Daughter was absent from school for 8 months with a mysterious illness.

Hmmmm...

Things happen in families, all kinds of families, and by all accounts, Alaska's First Family is a good one.

No criticism should be leveled about the quality of anyone's parenting skills or family values in this day and age just because a daughter gets pregnant- especially in Alaska, where, after all, what else is there to do?

You can't even hunt Polar Bears, at least until/unless the Governor is successful in getting them removed from the Endangered Species list.

That being said, the integrity of any Governor who would so blatantly lie and collude to hide a story such as this, in this day and age, MUST be questioned if this story turns out to be true.

A Dickless Cheney is not what John McCain needs, and it sure as hell is not what the Country needs...

Palin' in comparison...

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Welcome to Dan Quayle redux. This is now proof positive that John McCain is losing it.

He describes his new running mate as his "soulmate", yet he met her only twice before naming her to be the heartbeat-away backup to a man who has had cancer twice.

The entire GOP message has been, and was going to continue to be, that BO does not have the experience to be president- except, of course, that he is in league with Kennedy, Roosevelt the Greater, Lincoln, Washington, John Adams, etc. We have seen what such "experiences" as ruining a state, ruining a baseball team, and ruining an oil company has gotten us in the last 8 years.

Sitting here, with 30 years of municipal work experience, and starting my third term as a City Councilman, having served on Yolo LAFCO, I am better prepared to be VP.

If nominated, I will run; If elected I will serve; My first promise will be to not shoot anybody if I am ever out hunting with a lawyer, two women, and my wife is off visiting the lesbian daughter I have never recognized as having.

Lighten up...

I was dismayed to hear one of the news anchors yesterday say that whenever she says something negative about Barack she gets tons of e-mails, but barely any when something negative is said about JMac.

The cynic in me wants to say that it must be simply a matter of people protesting falsehoods and not the truth, but that probably isn't ALWAYS the case. :-)

It is definitely time to lighten up, Obamaniacs.

Barack is a United States Senator, and he is legitimately a target for criticism from his opponents. He's not a saint, nor a messiah, not even Mother Theresa or Ghandi.

He also has a great sense of humor. That being said, I have finally received a great joke about our man. Thanks to the local Fire Chief, Scotty Dozier, for sending it to me. Sadly, the prior joke I got from the FD, from his Admin Assistant, Robbie Rubio, was hysterical, but not suitable for printing here on a famous liberal/progressive blog.

A classic…

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican
candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There
was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a
week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things.

The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest
between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back
and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a
frozen lake in Merrifield in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out
separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch,
for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish.

Well, everyone assumed he was just having a 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day, McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came
in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said,
“Barack, I think McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see
just how he is cheating.”

The next night (after McCain returns with 50 fish- breaking all fishing laws, btw), Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is McCain cheating?'

Obama replied, “Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting
holes in the ice.”

Life begins...?

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Today, in Denver, there were people shouting "baby-killers".

Nobody likes abortion. Many people like Civil Rights, although not as many as once did apparently, or we would not be where we are.

It is a medical fact that up to 50% of all pregnancies self-terminate via miscarriage, often without the mother even knowing she was pregnant.

Although I don't believe in any god, the Christian God is supposed to be a "just" God, a "loving" God. If life really began at conception, would a just and loving God snatch away all those lives before they had a chance to bring love, experience, wisdom, trial, and tribulation to their parent(s)?

I think not.

The Bible mentions several times about the "breath" of life, coming and going. Nowhere does it mention life beginning at conception, and it is a fairly recent, convenient-for-the-religious-wackos hypothesis- in my lifetime, certainly. I think St. Augustine said life begins at three months, but what the hell does a saint know, n'est pas? And the greatest of all Saints, Archie Manning, never weighed in on the subject as far as I know...

I support people being prosecuted for double-murder when a pregnant women is the victim, because they are robbing the surviving relatives of two lives.

The Bottom Line: if the Right feels that strongly enough about it and disregards their Bible's lessons, let's give pregnant women TWO votes.

They won't agree, of course, because, after all, all those damn minorities breed like rabbits, and would just time their pregnancies to control elections.

Plagiarism and College

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Does John McCain really want to have this conversation?

Joe Biden apparently plagarized some work in college, which we have known about for some time.

Starting in 2000, John McCain has stolen a POW story from Alexandr Solzhenitsyn and made it his own, a paper hero stealing from a true hero.

John McCain's "proud" family tradition of Naval service led him to party his way through one of the finest military academies in the world and finish in the bottom 1% of his class there. I doubt, though, that had anything to do with him being shot down.

I am not sure that college experience and performance is an appropriate subject for an election involving people of these ages, but John McCain should be damn careful about what he asks for...

GOP Ticket...

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Obama-Biden flows very nicely. Consequently, I have been wondering for the last 24 hours if McCain can come up with something as nice.

I have some suggestions that I think would send the right message, after thinking about the 435 Congressman, 100 senators, 50 governors, and some other famous people. Some are Democrats, so there would be that whole cross-party appeal, too. Creative pronunciation is occasionally required.

Governors:

McCain-Crist (FL); McCain-Lynch (NH)
McCain-Huntsman (UT) McCain-Blunt (MO).

Representatives:

(McCain-Doolittle (CA); McCain-Delay (TX); McCain-Boozman (AR); McCain-Flake (AZ); McCain-Skelton (MO); McCain-Weiner (NY) McCain-Israel (NY); McCain-Sires (NJ); McCain-Obey (WI); McCain-Bordallo (Guam);

Senators:

McCain-Corker (TN); McCain-Crapo (ID)

Other Potential Famous Actual or Fictional People:

McCain-Scrooge, McCain-Lechter, McCain-McFly, Jerry Mathers would give us a McCain-Beaver ticket, George Strait would get us McCain-Strait, and McCain-Eminem has a nice ring to it.

Locally: Our vice-mayor would give us a McCain-has-a-Woody ticket; Our Streamkeeper would give us a McCain-Rich ticket.

Sadly...

I could not find anyone (say them out loud with "McCain-") named McMuffin, Shint, Needed, Temper, O-Rama, DooDoo, or WarMonger.

Heroes...

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I am writing this on the 23rd of August, before my latest letter to the newspaper has even been published. I'll take heat for the "...dropping bombs...from 2o,ooo feet...", comment I made in it, but so be it.

This is not about Viet Nam, nor the Marines, sailors, National Guard folks, and soldiers who fought there. The treatment by the public of those brave men and women when they returned from simply doing their jobs gave me a stomach ache and broke my heart then, and it has the same effect to this day.

It's also not about innocent civilians getting killed. That's a fact of every war our country has fought since those very first shots at Lexington, and it's a tragedy.

John McCain more than lived up to the commitment he made when he accepted a great education at Annapolis. He is a brave man, and served his country honorably, but John McCain is not a hero.

As Chris Rock said once upon a time, "There. I said it. It had to be said."

A hero doesn't offer to trade military information in order to be taken to the hospital, which McCain not only did, but wrote about in the May 14th, 1973 issue of U.S. News & World Report.

A hero also doesn't accept special treatment because he has a father who is a Navy Admiral. It's not clear if he himself told the NVA who is father was, but it is clear that he accepted special treatment.

Beyond that, very basically and quite simply, true heroes don't talk about it.

Sure, they may go home, and answer the "How was your day, dear?" question. They may even get dragged to an awards ceremony. Then, it's over- except, of course, when then get asked to re-tell the story, and that fades with time.

I don't know the politics of all the people I am going to mention here, but most or all are ardent John McCain supporters and all are men I respect.

The difference is they understand what a true hero is. They get it, and John McCain doesn't.

If my postal carrier, Richard Pitts, ever pulls somebody out of a pool while out on his rounds, and revives them with CPR, or snatches a child out of traffic in the nick of time, you can bet your last dollar he will never again speak out about it on his own.

If the local police officer I know best, Todd Barnett, ever risks his life by pulling somebody out of a burning car after an accident, you can bet your last dollar on him, too.

And when was the last time anybody ever heard Scott Dozier or Steve Godden talk about any of the heroic things they did during their long careers?

Exactly.

And a true hero does not make the comments he does, like "I have experienced poor health care under another government" just to pander for votes.

On November 4th, vote the man- not the myths.

Local Letter to the Editor

The week before last, in a local letter to the editor, Ms. Sabra Brunig suggested that we liberals should read Jerome Corsi's latest trash, Obama Nation. Her suggestion reveals the shallowness and lack of knowledge of many McCain supporters, and further exposes the morally-bankrupt McCainstream Media.

Jerome Corsi has said some true things along the way, but not very often. Certainly not in Obama Nation. He is very much the McCarthy of our time. (Neo-Cons: that's Joe McCarthy, the U.S. Senator, not Charlie McCarthy, Edgar Bergen's dummy). I probably should run with the dummy thread- maybe later.

What actual truths has he spouted?

On March 2, 2008, he wrote an article stating that the KLA, the Kosovo Liberation Army, a Muslim terrorist group tied to Al-Qaida, is supporting John McCain for president.

On February 28, 2008, he wrote that John McCain's fortune is tied to organized crime.

On February 15, 2008, he wrote that John McCain's campaign is vulnerable to the influence-peddling accusations that have dogged the Arizona Senator for years.

On February 12, 2008, he wrote that John McCain set up an Institute in order to receive donations from prominent non-profit organization, and had to leave the Institute's Board after it was disclosed that he lobbied the FCC for the media giant Cablevision after they donated $ 200,000.00. The reason for the income stream was to pay his key campaign people between elections.

Corsi's most outrageous statement was that "(Pedophilia) in both Islam and Catholicism is okay with the Pope as long as it isn't reported by the liberal press". I substituted "pedophilia" for the actual words, as they were unfit for a family blog.

From my perspective, of course, Ms. Brunig just does not get it. I wonder how she would feel if the Community treated her just like many of the John McCain supporters or the bigots or the racists are treating Barack Obama. What would that look like? Hmmm...

"Sabra".

That's obviously a Muslim name. Nobody with that name could be a Christian or a Catholic or a Mormon, right?

The name obviously belongs to somebody who is here illegally, and is liable to put a bomb under our beds at any time.

Anybody with that name cannot be a patriot, even if she happens to be a United States Senator from the breadbasket of our great country, Illinois.

Somebody with that name who opposed, and wants to end ASAP, one of the most outrageous and unjust wars in history, is obviously placing personal gain above the Country.

Obviously, anybody with that name elected to office would take their oath on the Koran and not the Bible- it doesn't matter that the truth is that it was another African-American official who used Thomas Jefferson's copy of the Koran to take his oath. I mean, all Sabras look alike, right?

We could try it, but it won't work. Myopia is incurable. For the record, I think Sabra is a great name.

Here's the deal...

If you want a war hero as president, and you think dropping bombs on people, including innocent civilians, from 20,000 feet makes you a war hero and qualifies you to be president, then John McCain is your man.

If you want a family values guy as president, and you think cheating on your disabled-in-a-car-crash wife with, and ultimately leaving her for, a young, beautiful, rich heiress is a good family value, then John McCain is your guy.

If you want a president with integrity, and you think a guy who plagiarizes a religious POW camp story from Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago has integrity, then John McCain is your guy. Of course, you will have to forget you outrage over Hillary's "sniper fire" fabrication.

If you want a guy who will have the Bee Gees "How Deep is Your Love" as a theme song, only the lyrics will be changed to "How Many Wars Can We Fight", then John McCain is your guy.

If you think you are better off today than you were 8 years ago, then John McCain is your guy.

If you want a guy who says he is the one who is in touch with mainstream America, but doesn't know how many homes he owns, then John McCain is your guy.

If you want a president who surrounds himself with lobbyists, including at least one who lobbies for a foreign government, then John McCain is your guy.

Finally, if you are proud of a Constitution that is in tatters, and looks more and more every day like the flag that flew over Fort McHenry in 1814, then John McCain is your guy.

Me? I would rather vote for Sabra.

My name is Tom McMasters-Stone, and I approved this partially-satirical blog post.

Outrage

Henry Cejudo, the son of illegal aliens, who was raised, along with 4 siblings, by his single mom, has stolen an Olympic Gold Medal from real Americans- I mean real North Americans... oh, wait, uh...

Anyway, it doesn't matter that we don't have a name for ourselves that doesn't slight the Canadians or Mexicans, or the other citizens of the Americas.

What matters is this guy who should have never been born in this country stole a medal from somebody who REALLY deserved it.   Somebody from Annapolis or Stanford should have been standing there, right?   Somebody who has lived the real American dream- having a rich family, somebody who knows the real value of the gold in the medal, who hasn't had to work, but has been able to just focus on athletics...

Clearly the end of civilization as we know it.   The next thing you know, some 1/2 black guy will be running for president.

Besides, considering how most Mexicans get here, shouldn't they be cleaning up in swimming medals anyway?

Great job, Henry!

Sniper Fire II

Apparently, being a simple prisoner of war was not sufficient for Senator McCain.

Despite having written and spoken about his POW times extensively in years past, a new chapter has emerged since he began running for President- which I am calling Sniper Fire II.

Now it seems that JMac also had a moment of Christian fellowship in his POW camp, when a guard came in, loosened his bonds, and drew a cross in the dirt with his foot.   The POW and his newfound Christian friend then celebrated some moments of silence together.   The guard then erased the cross with his foot, and left the cell, locking the door behind him.

What a great story!   Such a profound and moving message of survival and perseverance- odd that it did not see the light of day for 40 years, huh?

Well, actually, it did- in the The Gulag Archipelago, by the recently-deceased Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn.

Why Sniper Fire II?   Obviously, this ships-passing-in-the-night guard, or "gun guard" as JMac called him, ultimately got promoted to First Sniper, was assigned to Bosnia, and was the very same person shooting at Hillary and Chelsea on the airport tarmac in 1996.   

T-Shirts... & Hillary.

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I love my custom t-shirts. I can get them in just a few days, and be involved in current events.

I have one that says "Left Wing" with a hockey player- which is both my politics and my hockey position.

I have "Winters, where our Nuts hate our Fruits", with a gun sight underneath.

"The last guy elected from Illinois worked out just fine" and "John McCain, more position changes than the Kama Sutra" are two of my other favorites- although I am not going to wear the former in Woodland anymore. I get asked too many questions- I guess I should have put the answer on the back.

That brings me to the one that has now fallen out of favor: "Finally, a Clinton that knows how to pull out..."

I was wrong.

I missed Mike Malloy's rant about PUMA the other night, but apparently it was hilarious. He said PUMA stands for Party Unity My Ass, which makes it Party Unity My Ass PAC. Beautiful...

In any event, I was wrong, and my shirt will be relegated to the closet- at least until after the convention.

It's so crystal clear right now that she and hers know NOTHING about pulling out gracefully or graciously.

PS- If John McCain hears about my t-shirt, and that "wrinkly white haired guy" starts talking about the Kama Sutra, I will poke a stick in my eye!!!

Ellen...

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It what apparently was a lovely ceremony, Ellen DeGeneres married actress Portia de Rossi this weekend. Obviously, their first child will be named Generous Portians.

Fascists...

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I have been out at garage sales this morning, as is my Saturday morning habit.

I got to listen to a rerun of Lynn Samuels ranting about nominating Hillary, and how she has all the super-delegates listed on her website so people can call and urge them to vote for Hillary instead of the guy who won fair and square. Maybe she should just go to work for Fux News, where she can tell the McCainstream Media Lies with reckless abandon. Alex Bennett can join her.

Maybe there is something, after all, to the rumor that Jews won't vote for Obama.

While I was gone, The California Proposition 8 people stopped by, and left a flyer on my door. Sadly, I take three of the Four Musketeers with me when I go on Saturdays, or those Fascists would not have gained access to my property.

Handwritten on the flyer was a message that they were sorry that they missed me.

Uh, no they weren't. My patience is done on this issue, and it would have been ugly.

Their pamphlet says that 61% of Californians voted for marriage as being between a man and a woman, and that four "San Francisco-based judges" changed that.

The California Supreme Court is based in San Francisco, but their distortionate pandering against the people who live in one of the greatest cities in the world is obvious- and the four judges were Republican appointees who said it was unconstitutional to discriminate.

Wow, what a revolutionary concept.

61%, huh? It was more than that who supported slavery in the South, more than that who supported the internment of the Japanese during WW II, more than that who supported the treatment of the Native Americans- get it? Get it?

YOU ARE FASCIST, BIGOTED SCUM.

YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN HITLER.

It is a Constitution's job to protect minorities from people like you. You should be very proud of yourselves.

How far through Mein Kempf have you gotten? (Assuming you can read; if not, I am sure it's available on AudioBooks)

Surely, it's on to Das Kapital and The Writings of Chairman Mao after that! And I will call you Surely anytime I choose to do so...

Clintonistas...

How would we react if Laura Bush decided she wanted to run for Senate next year, but realized she could not win in Texas. So, she packs up her carpetbag, and moves to, say, Alabama, where her chances of being elected are almost 100%- all the while hoping to get a shot at the White House in a few years, wanting to become the first husband/wife team to separately lead the free world.

Exactly.

And, to make it even better, along the way she decided she was the "prodigal daughter", the saviorette of Democracy, and that nobody better get in the way of her march to Pennsylvania Avenue.

Wow! I think I was having a nightmare.

Maybe not...

Hillary Clinton is getting her way, getting her name entered into nomination at the Convention, distracting attention from Barack. We also have the Clintonistas headlining the news programs, talking about rallys, parties, urging delegates to vote their "consciences", and "do the right thing" for Hillary.

Barack Obama arrogant? Compared to whom? There has never been anything like this.

Were all you whiners voting for a gender or voting on issues? "That wascally Bawack Obama beat our bewoved candidate, so now we're going to vote for that wrinkwy old man. We will show you!"

Inspirational, indeed.

I am tired of hearing she got more votes- she didn't.

Michigan and Florida broke the rules, and were told they would not count. Obama was not even on the ballot in MI.

Many caucuses don't track vote numbers, so they are not included in totals.

Such arrogance, such selfishness, such entitlement...

And what about John Kerry and Al Gore? If anybody has a right to whine, to scream, to yell, THEY do. Have they? Hmmm. I'm still a HUGE fan of the 19th Amendment, but not quite what I once was...

Let's fast forward to March, 2009. We have a new president. Let's say it's a 100% old white guy, and not a 50% young white guy.

Does anyone think that Barack Obama would whine or pout, or should even think of doing so? No.

Given the dissatisfaction in the country, the only way Barack Obama loses this election is race- pure and simple. If we have people who vote race over their own self-interests, it could indeed very well happen.

If it does tragically and heartbreakingly occur, we all know Barack Obama will pick himself up, and start the march to 2012.

And, with four more years of experience, he will then have the level of experience that Hillary has now- that which she has touted as being so superior to his current level of experience.

If it does happen, my U. S. flags will be flown upside down, as we will truly be in distress as a country and as a people.

Today at Rotary, my friend Mike Kimes asked me why Barack is considered to be black. It was a very thoughtful question, and I have duly given it much thought- and I don't like the answer.

I like the idea of electing a minority or female president during my lifetime. Not as a matter of policy, of course, but just as a sign of progress.
Of course, I would never vote for Elizabeth Dole or J. C. Watts.

But in thinking about Mike's question, I came to the conclusion that we have placed ourselves in the same position as the people who have enslaved or discriminated against people all over the world, throughout history: if you have one drop of Hebrew blood, you are a Jew; if you have one drop of African American blood, you are black.

Certainly, I have gone to the extreme end of the argument. Yes, for many or most of us, the motivation for our conclusion is different than that of the slave owners and Nazis.

The answer, though, is the same: defying the mathematics, a small percentage of "different" looms much larger than a larger percentage of "same" or "normal".

Hate Mail P.S.

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The more I have thought about it, the sender of any anonymous "hate" mail is a coward. Perhaps you were a guard at Auschwitz in another life, or the bus driver for Rosa Parks, or whatever. The bottom line is you are a coward, and your homophobic drivel is a disgrace- I am sure your God is very proud of you. I would like to be there when she judges you, you cretinous piece of shit.

More Hate Mail...

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I got more anti-gay hate mail today- plain white envelope, no return address. They could have at least used pink!

There was a picture of a heterosexual married couple, with the suggestion that I stare at the picture until I "get it".

I'm too busy staring at other pictures right now- actually it's a collage.

There is a black and white picture of Jews standing behind barbed wire at Auschwitz. There is a picture of some Negro slaves working in a cotton field. There is a picture of some Japanese-Americans standing behind a fence amidst the Tule fog here in the Central Valley in the 1940s. There is a picture of some women marching just to try to get the right to vote. There is also a picture of some Mexican workers toiling in the fields in 110-degree heat, and lastly there is a picture of Rosa Parks sitting in the back of the bus.

I get it. I got it a long, long time ago.

There were some biblical quotes, too, but I didn't read them. They are lining the bird cages.

My research can find only one time that Jesus referred to gay men: when he suggested the turning of the other cheek. Had to be, right?

I am so looking forward to the Rapture- I can use the peace and quiet.

Please deliver us... Part II

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Now comes word that Hillary is trying to find some way to "soothe" her supporters at the Convention, and has not ruled out having her name entered into nomination. Apparently, after they are sufficiently "soothed", they can then all get behind Obama Nation... That's mighty considerate of them.

And do not give me that 18 million votes crap, either- the only way Hillary got more votes than Barack is if you discount the Caucuses that did not tally individual votes. And despite her claims to the contrary, she lost the delegate tally in both Nevada and Texas.

Is this really the image that the Democratic women of this country want to portray? Is this not exactly the WRONG message, that we need some kind of special transition for the bruised egos of the fairer sex?

It's bad enough that they gave John McCain ammunition with their cannibalistic excrement when the nomination was still in play, but to drag this thing out any longer proves one thing, and one thing only: the best person for the job this time out, the person with the honor, integrity, and TEAM committment we need, was, indeed, the best MAN.