Syria...

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Nine days before the election, with the economy killing John McCain's hope of being POTUS, the United States makes an unprecedented foray into Syria- a country with whom we have been trying to improve our relationship.

It would seem to me that there is only one explanation- increase the criticism of the U.S. by the countries of the Middle East, to try to improve the electability of the War-Monger from Arizona.

Mutilation...

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Things are going bad for John McCain right now, and I hope they continue that way unabated.

I was shocked to hear of the suspicious "black" man who robbed a female McCain supporter from Texas, in Pittsburgh, and carved a "B", presumably for "Barack", in her right cheek.

Authorities became suspicious when inconsistencies in her story began to appear, and the ATM records did not show her using that ATM at the purported time.

Uh, excuse me. Did anybody think there might be something amiss when the "B" was backwards, or did the police think it was just some dumb "nigger" who couldn't spell?

Let's see, a perfectly-carved, backwards "B" on somebody's cheek raised no suspicion on its own? No way.

This occurred in Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania. Where some pretty uncomplimentary things have been said about the space between Philly and 'burgh- as in it's Alabama.

I know. I think I will hit the ATM for some cash, and then I think I will carve a big "O", for "Old Man McCain", on my right my butt cheek.

See, the good thing about an "O" would be that I could not carve it backwards.

Thinking about spelling also reminds me that Obama (Amabo) is likely the closest we will ever get to a perfect palindrome presidency.

There is some mental disability involved with this young woman, but there is no truth to the rumors that the young lady is related to Tom Eagleton or Joe the Plumber, or that she is an unlicensed tattoo artist who wants to buy the shop where she works.

Boots Erb...

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I met Boots Erb in 1983, when I was living in Vacaville. He was looking for somebody to move into his house near Winters, and rebuild it.

Twenty-five plus years later, I am still in Winters, and I have been closer to Boots than I was to my own father.

In the early years, Boots would tell me stories that I would take with a grain of salt.

That ended one day, the grain of salt part, that is, when a helicopter, a Bell Jet Ranger, hovered over the house, and landed on the driveway. An old guy, dresses in overalls and a denim shirt got out, walked up to me, stuck out his hand, and said "Hi, I'm Ken Hoffman. Is Boots here?"

Ken Hoffman. Hoffman Homes.

Then I started going to dinners with Boots. He and Karal decided I needed to be spruced up some, and they bought me a Cal-blue jacket one year for Christmas, so I could go in style.

I quickly realized at these dinners that Boots and I did not get up to go see the "celebrities", that they came to see us.

Mike White. Joe Kapp. George Seifert. Bill Walsh. Ronnie Lott. John Madden. Et cetera...

When he had told me that he took care of all these guys when they were just starting out, there was no exaggeration at all- he did just that. He would feed them at his Bow & Bell Restaurant in Jack London Square, the same place where Clint Eastwood used to play the piano for meals before he became famous.

Mike White told me last summer about the buses Boots would rent to take fans to the Big Games at Stanford, and how afterward they would go to Mike's house in Los Altos Hills to party.

Boots' dad, Charley Erb, played quarterback at Cal on the Wonder Team, going undefeated over 3 years, and passing on the Rose Bowl just because they wanted to be home for the Holidays. He went on to be one of those guys who were responsible for talking the Japanese out of the caves after the war was lost for them.

I moved in with Boots and Karal a couple of times, after I split (twice) with my first wife. It's always been a home for me, where I could go without question, with no doubt about how I would be received.

I spent most of today helping move Boots into a Convalescent Home in Vacaville. He had just become too much for Karal. The girls, Kelly and Anneliese, were there, and it was awful for all four of us- but at the same time we knew it was the right thing to do.

When my time comes, just take me to Soda Springs in the middle of winter, and leave me lying in the snow.

I have had better days, and few worse...

2000 Days...

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As was pointed out today by both Keith and Rachael, and maybe Chris, too, it has been 2000 days since George Bush declared victory, or "Mission Accomplished", on the aircraft carrier U.S.S Abraham Lincoln.

2000 days. Thousands of lives.

Nice call, George...

Matthew Shepard effect?

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As I drive around town, and around Central CA, I can't help being hopeful that there will be a Matthew Shepard effect.

It is inconceivable to me that there are so many people ready to impose their own views upon others.

I don't mean the fringe wackos, but the mainstream- the REAL Christians, the one who go to church on Sunday, or Saturday nights, and forget about it the rest of the time...

The pressure to take a sign home and post it when the entire congregation is watching may not translate to the same check box in the voting booth.

Hopefully...

REJECTION! I KNEW IT!

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This just in: From Miami (Ohio) University

"Rejection can make a person more intuitive. New research suggests individuals who have faced the cold shoulder can more easily spot phony people.

The ability to spot a fabricated smile, exhibited by test subjects who had suffered rejection could be a relic of our past, the researchers said.

"This seems to be a skill we've acquired through evolution," said researcher Michael Bernstein, a doctoral student in social psychology at Miami University in Ohio. "Living in groups several hundreds of years ago was extremely important to survival. Being kicked out of the group was like death, so they became very good at reading facial expressions and social cues.""

My evolution has gone well beyond others.

As I have mentioned before, the rejection of me by girls, as well as the persecution of me by the older sexually-frustrated women dressed in black and white, and armed with maple pointers, caused me great distress.

When I got older, and found out how many gay or pedophile Catholic priests there are in the world, the actual depth of my rejection really hit home: apparently the priests had rejected me along the way, too.

Maybe I just missed their signals, but I don't think so.

Maybe if they had only known I wasn't wearing anything under my Altar Boy dress- and especially now that I know that lying down with men is like eating lobster!

Anyway, here I am at 53 with little tolerance for phonies, fakes, bigots, arrogance, prejudice, and Men Who Would Be Kings.

Now, I know why...

Marriage... (an expansion of "Doing God's Work")

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Well, well, our little Catholic Church has stirred up a hornet's nest. Last Sunday, they gave out "Yes on 8" signs at Mass.

Problem is there are apparently gay folks, gay children, and/or gay grandchildren that are members of the Parish, as well as others who either disagree with the Church's position, or the very fact that the Church is taking a position.

The Main Street Chapel did the same thing.

800 years ago, the Catholic Church first visited the marriage issue. It seems that the property and estate claims of priests' families were interfering with the Church's accumulation of wealth, so, retroactively, all priests' marriages were annulled and no more permitted. For a couple hundred years, the Church was ignored, but the Council of Trent sealed the priests' fate by 1563.

Now comes another business decision. You betcha! The Catholic Church cannot run the risk of the hundreds of gay priests in this state, or the thousands nationwide, leaving the priesthood and settling down to marital bliss here in California like the rest of us.

Nope, the Church wants, no, needs them to stay safely tucked away in their own version of the closet, the confessional. So, YES ON 8! CHURCHES PREACH HATE!

Theology, my eye-for-an-eye!

Sure, Leviticus says to lie with a man as with a woman is an abomination. It also says that eating shellfish is an abomination. So, eating lobster, crab, oysters, clams, and shrimp is equivalent to lying with another guy? I hope they at least exempted bearded clams- oh wait, I'll just call it red snapper.

Oh, how many Rosaries shall I say after the Crab and Pasta Feed? And I had 15 oysters at Harvest Fest last weekend.

Man, if this being gay thing were a choice, I would be all over that if it's like eating lobster. I love shellfish! And I doubt that lying with a man is as fattening.

And I sense new metaphors for Gay Sex here: shelling the lobster, shucking the oyster, peeling the shrimp.

Old Levi also tells us we are to have a 6-day work week, wear no clothes containing both linen and wool, have no tattoos, and, of local interest, we shall eat no food from a tree until the tree is 5 years old.

I guess the Bible is like a buffet, huh? Just take what you want, and leave the rest?

Did you know that any man who sleeps with a servant can be forgiven if he simply has a priest help him sacrifice a Ram?

I hate the Rams. I would gladly sacrifice a Ram to save my libidinous friends. Current players only, or retirees, too? If we could somehow work the Dodgers into the script, this whole sacrifice thing would be perfect.

The most interesting thing about Leviticus is that it's the Incest Book. It's the prohibitor of incest, and lists all the possible transgressions.

Funny thing is, though, it never mentions fathers and daughters. It does prohibit prostituting one's daughter, so God didn't somehow just forget about daughters. Look it up the next time you dust off your ol' Bible.

I had a couple rounds of rejection therapy that are Catholic-related. The first was when I was younger, and endured the anguish of none of the girls being interested in me. Hard to imagine, huh?

My more recent bout of therapy was when I realized that apparently the priests didn't want anything to do with me, either!

I know, straight to Hell, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $ 100- in this GOP economy, it's half what it once was for passing Go...

Taking away somebody's Civil Rights because of religious beliefs? Where have we seen that before? Hitler. Al Qaida. Tibet. Wow, pretty lofty company, huh?

An assault on one of our proudest traditions, the separation of Church & State? Treason. Where have we seen that before? Benedict Arnold- and now, Pope Benedict Arnold- not even a citizen of this country.

A local farmer asked me not long ago if I was a member of any organized religion. I resisted playing the "oxymoron" card, and just said no. He nodded his head and said "oh" like that explained it all. It was one of the saddest moments of my life- such a small exchange capturing what is wrong with our country today and displaying such ignorance of what our country is supposed to stand for.

By the way, these holy folks are lying to you in the TV commercials. Lying. Uh, Commandment # 9, right? Just below masturbation, and right above No Eating Meat On Friday- or Viernes, as the real owners of California would say.

Speaking of masturbation, that's my favorite Catholic joke. The Nun catches the little boy in the closet with his pants down. She looks at him and says, as she has hundreds of times over the years, "Don't do that, you'll go blind." He looks up at her, and replies "Can I do it until I need glasses?"

Or there's the one about a priest walking out of a bar- hey, it could happen!

Proposition 8 is not about Parental Rights. The California Ed Code requires schools to teach RESPECT of marriage, not WHO can or should get married.

Here's the deal: I'm certified to officiate at marriages. We have a little more than 3 weeks. I 'm retired and my schedule is flexible. I have already officiated at four gay wedding ceremonies, and our little town seems to be holding up just fine.

Gay people: if you would like to get married in beautiful Winters, maybe have dinner at the Buckhorn or any of our other great restaurants, and maybe see a show at the Palms, e-mail me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com, and I will officiate- free of charge. All you need is your license.

As a bonus, I'll post the hate mail I receive on my blog: www.JesusLovesGP.blogspot.com.

I know, if we fuck this up, maybe in two years we can vote the blacks back into slavery, the Jews back into concentration camps, the Native Americans back to the rez, the Japanese back into internment, and the Mexicans back into the fields- oh, wait.

Americans do not impose their religious beliefs on others, especially other Americans. On November 4th, you can vote on Proposition 8 as an American or as a bigot- it's as simple as that.

My name is Tom McMasters-Stone, I'm Catholic, I approved this Blog Post, and send my Excommunication paperwork to the right goddamn address- suitable for framing, please.

Wow...

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I was reading a Greg Iles book, my second. He's a great author.

Blood Memory is deep, dark, cleverly woven, but I won't spoil the plot.

However, it was pointed out in the book that Leviticus prohibits incest, but specifically omits one's own daughter in the listed prohibitions.

Sure enough...

Leviticus 18:6

None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD. 7 The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 8 The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness. 9 The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. 10 The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness. 11 The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 12 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman. 13 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman. 14 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt. 15 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 16 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness. 17 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. 18 Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.

Wow.

Of course, it's Leviticus that calls lying with a man an abomination- which it also applies to eating shellfish. Getting drilled, or doing the drilling, in another guy's ass and eating lobster- both abominations.

If there is a segue' there, I don't see it.

Of course, Leviticus also says we should not eat the "Fruits" of trees until the tree is five years old, we should wear no garment made of both linen and wool, we shall have no tattoos ("markings"), and that we can be absolved of adultery by offering a Ram for sacrifice.

I hate the Rams, and I have no trouble sacrificing them for the absolution of my libidinous friends. Is it only current Rams, or are former Rams ok, too?

If we could work the Dodgers in somehow, my life would be complete.

Doing God's Work

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Today here in Winters, the Catholic Church and the Main Street Church handed out Yes on 8 campaign signs, and the Catholic Church actually has a sign on a lot it owns behind the church.

Imagine all those gay priests having to urge their parishioners to vote a certain way, all the while thinking "Yeah, right..." to themselves.

Am I the only one thinking the Catholic Church should pay less attention to California state politics and more time policing their own employees?

I love the Catholic Church, though we parted ways years ago. However, I have undergone two rounds of rejection therapy: the first was because the girls didn't want anything to do with me in Catholic School; the second was when I realized that apparently the priests didn't want anything to do with me either!

Here's the deal: I'm certified to officiate at marriages. We have a little more than 3 weeks. I 'm retired and my schedule is flexible.

Gay people: if you would like to get married in beautiful Winters, maybe have dinner at the Buckhorn or any of our other great restaurants, and maybe see a show at the Palms, e-mail me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com, and I will officiate- free of charge. All you need is your license.

As a bonus, I 'll post the hate mail I receive right here on my blog. Most of it will be from Granite Bay, I'm sure.

Winters is a great town. Yes, we have some nuts that don't like our fruits, but that's just life, n'est pas?

Rut Roh...

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Sarah Palin is guilty of abusing her powers, and violating Alaska ethics laws. The Investigation was launched, and released unanimously, by a Legislative Committee of 10 Republicans and Four Democrats.

The lying GOP ticket released a statement that basically said they were glad to see the Governor completely vindicated. Huh?

My prediction: John McCain will use this Troopergate scandal to set Sarah free, and replace her with another GOP woman- of integrity, of history, of intelligence.  Of course, that's what he thought the first time, too.

The likely choices are Jodi Rell from Connecticut, Linda Lingle, the Jewish governor of Hawaii, or former governor Christine Todd Whitman.

Or maybe he will pan for gold in the Senate...

Replacing Sarah is the only chance, and choice, he has- after hammering on character for weeks, and especially after today, where his own crowds booed him when he told a woman that Obama is not an Arab, that he is an honorable man, a good family man, and that they do not need to be "scared" of an Obama presidency.

He'll realize it, and he'll do it. That will change the readings on the Barackometers, me thinks- but enough? I hope not...

PS- I apologize for stereotyping Kansas in an earlier version.  Dorothy was right, I guess we're not in Kansas anymore.

Full Disclosure

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As an elected official, I must disclose that I once washed my hands in a sink at O'Hare Airport in Chicago immediately after former Weather Underground Radical William Ayres used the very same sink.

Given this incident, and the hoopla that is likely to ensue as news of this incident spreads, I have decided not to serve more than 20 years as a City Councilman here in Winters, CA.

The rumor that I was Bill Ayres' Best Man, that I am thinking of having his baby, or that we sit down whenever we can to watch my Sharks beat up his Blackhawks is nothing but lies being spread by the NRA- the National Retards Association.

I am, however, mad about the other lie being spread about me, that prior to washing my hands that day, I was having sex with Senator Larry Craig in the Handicapped stall.

That's the worst thing anybody has ever said about me! No, not that I might be Gay, although we know Larry the Toe Tapper is not gay and has never been gay.

No, calling me Gay doesn't bother me a bit.

However, to imply that I would EVER stoop so low as to sleep with a Republican is GODDAMN OUTRAGEOUS!!!

SCOOP NYT!!!!!!! John McCain is Dead, addendum...

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I have never scooped the New York Times before. This is from their editorial today:

"It is a sorry fact of American political life that campaigns get ugly, often in their final weeks. But Senator John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin have been running one of the most appalling campaigns we can remember."

John McCain is dead...

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John McCain breathed his last breath this week.

Oh sure, he's still walking around- do you describe that as walking? It's more like a taller Ewok shuffle, isn't it?

He may even win the election in 4 weeks, but the real John McCain- the one we used to know, used to respect, who used to aspire to be a man of integrity, the heir to Barry Goldwater's throne, the "maverick" (pardon me while I chug a beer) is dead.

He's clearly close to losing it, he is so outraged that this young guy is still in the game, let alone winning it.

I actually think there is a great chance he will blow up tonight during the debate, and end it right there in Nashville.

Calling Barack Obama a "Chicago politician" like it's a slur and asking "What do we really know about Barack Obama?" were almost the final couple lines of his epitaph.

I have been screaming about the audacity of questioning the patriotism of a United States Senator, or suggesting one might be a terrorist, for months now. Remember, this is Hillary's fault. SHE started it during the Primaries.

Ed Schultz has gotten on the audacity bandwagon now, although I don't scoop him very often. Some guy called in this morning, and pointed out that Barack had been at meetings with William Ayers. Ed asked him "Do you really think a United States Senator is a terrorist?" The guy replied "Yes.", and Ed told him he was a "frickin' idiot".

Almost the last lines of his epitaph? Yes.

The very last lines came today in the form of non-actions.

Yesterday, during separate stump speeches of Johnny Appleseed and Sister Soulmate, two of their Neo-Nazi Fascist supporters were heard to very audibly yell out "terrorist" and "kill him", referring to Barack.

I will grant that Winkin' and Noddin' may have not heard the comments at the time they were uttered, but they are certainly aware of it now- and not a single disclaimer from them, their campaigns, or their surrogates.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

When George Bush's folks spread rumors in 2000 about John McCain having fathered a black child out-of-wedlock, Ol' John obviously paid attention.

We have not seen such treachery from national politicians since Joe McCarthy.

If it turns out I'm wrong about God, then John Sidney McCain III and Sarah Louise Heath Palin should be made to burn in Hell forever- and they can take that goddamn Hillary with them.

Common Sense in Unusual Times

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I'm sorry that CitiCorp is mad at Wells Fargo over the purchase of Wachovia.

However, the Wells Fargo offer includes no government money, and the CitiCorp offer includes beaucoup.

Uh, no need to use a Lifeline on this one...

Religious Bigotry

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I am so tired of people using the Bible to justify discrimination.

The Bible, strangely enough, may have been the source of Hitler's hatred of Jews.

We know it was the justification for the treatment of the Central and South Americans, and the Native Americans.

We also know it was used to justify slavery, prevent racial inter-marriage, and to this day Blacks do not have equal status in most church hierarchies.

This Country was founded on Liberty and Individual Rights. People who would impose their views or beliefs on others are quite simply traitors to the very fabric of our Country- no better than Benedict Arnold, Joseph McCarthy, or the Rosenbergs.

The latest bit of treachery is the assault on gay rights by the Yes on Prop 8 crowd.

TRUE Americans, the real Patriots of this Country, real people of ethics and morals are those that can set aside their personal beliefs, and recognize the real reasons this great country was founded.

Naturally, it's the most difficult to do when there are negative personal consequences.

With Prop 8, it should be a slam dunk- the gay marriages performed here in California, in Massachusetts, and around the world, have not affected one hetero marriage- not one iota, not one molecule, not one nanoton.

So, if you are really proud to be an American and what we are supposed to stand for, oppose Prop 8.

If you live in or near the 95694 Zip Code, and want to advertise your pride in our history, demonstrate your patriotism and your love of country, you should get a lawn sign. Email me at JesusLovesGayPeople@wavecable.com and I will get you one.

So it begins...

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Dickless-Cheney was giving a speech today.

The Press was allowed in for 5 minutes before they were shuttled out. Not sure how that works with the First Amendment, but the decimation of the Constitution under the GOP rule will not be on the Front Page of any U.S. newspapers anytime soon.

She suggested that Barack is unpatriotic, and is "hanging around with terrorists...".

She said she got the information from the NY Times story from today- which concluded there was no proof that anything other than a cross-paths relationship existed between Obama and the "terrorist".

See? I knew it! She can't read!

To "Kill" a Mockingbird...

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As I sat here last night talking to my friend, Tom, I told him this was the last we would "see" of Sarah Palin until the election.

He was incredulous. I said, nope, that's the way it was going to be, and it would seal their fate.

"Tonight and tomorrow, they are all going to be talking about how well she did, all the while knowing they escaped almost-certain doom by the skin of their teeth", and I assured him that she would not get a chance to repeat her miserable "Katie Couric Week".

Speeches, joint appearances, Fox News: probably. Face the Nation, Countdown, Bill Maher, Rachael Maddow, Meet the Press, The Today Show, The View: never.

The American People will see through it like a Madonna Tank Top. If this election is decided by the people that pay attention, it's over.

Black and White...

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My friend Elliot has suggested that, while I pride myself in seeing things in Black and White, I might not be as good at it as I think, or would like.

That was last week, and I have thought a lot about it, off and on, in the intervening days.

I understand his point, but he's wrong.

It's not that I am treating the two campaigns differently, it's that we are viewing two completely different campaigns.

As we saw yesterday in front of the editorial board of the Des Moines Register, nothing bad ever happens to the McCain campaign, everybody loves him and her, no mistakes are made, no false steps occur.

His 100% reputation of integrity is intact, and unquestionable. When it was pointed out that he approved a message falsely claiming Barack Obama voted for a bill to educate Kindergarteners in sex ed, he replied that he needed a better example than that.

Uh, the Keating 5? Sending troops to war under a lie? Claiming credit for a GI Bill you opposed? Where and when does it stop?

On the other hand, Barack Obama has corrected his campaign staff, and even disagreed with Joe Biden, on several occasions. What a concept.

Two campaigns?

Barack Obama is not telling America that John McCain is a White Supremacist, but John McCain is trying to hint to America that Barack Obama is a Muslim Terrorist.

Barack Obama is not screaming about John McCain's questionable pastor ties, nor Sarah Palin's videotaped encounter with an African Witch Doctor, but John McCain is trying to convince America that Barack Obama is an angry black man because of the things said by Jeremiah Wright.

Barack Obama is not questioning John McCain's patriotism, but John McCain is questioning Barack Obama's. Questioning the patriotism of ANY United States Senator is quite simply outrageous.

John McCain is trying to sell Barack Obama as an elitist, but doesn't know how many homes he owns.

When Sarah Palin, who clearly qualifies as a Dickless Cheney, contradicted his Pakistan Border policy, it was because it was a "gotcha" question.

Last week, John McCain took credit for a bailout that failed, and then blamed Barack Obama for the failure.

Last week, McCain ads appeared in several places, claiming he handily won the debate- except they appeared the morning of the debate that didn't take place until that evening.

John McCain accuses the Harvard Law Review alumni, and 12-year law professor, of not knowing the difference between a strategy and a tactic. Barack Obama knows that John McCain's strategy is to make the American public afraid of him; the tactic is to lie to them all that Barack Obama will raise their taxes.

My rules of the game are the same for everyone- but they do have to be in the same game.

Debate...

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So, what if we gave a Debate, and both parties didn't show up?

Debates are not speeches. The Moderator asks questions, and the candidates answer them- well, maybe not in Alaska.

"I may not answer the questions the way you or the Moderator likes, but I am going to talk... to the American People."

Debates are not speeches. Debates require answers. Don't like the answers? Ignore them, and change the question.

In the end, she couldn't answer Gwen Ifill any better than she answered Katie Couric.

She wasn't Jefferson Smith or Atticus Finch, not even close, but she was no William Hung, either.