I Revelgaytions... finally disclosed.

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It has taken a while for me to adjust to this kind of responsibility, and, frankly, to the shock of being proved partially wrong about a higher or collective form of life.

It has also been difficult to believe that I, of all people, have been selected for this monumental task. It all became crystal clear to me a couple of weeks ago when one of the best Christians I have ever met asked me to be the co-signer on the checking account for the Winters Community Dinner.

Her explanation to me was that I am fair, honest, and affiliated with no Church- so I wouldn't cause any of the Winters' congregations to be jealous. Since she does not attend services here in Winters, neither does she.

That's it! That must be the reason for my selection. Although, as you will see later, there might be one other reason.

On May 18, 2007, I was sitting in my church pew on my porch, checking my e-mail. All of a sudden, POOF!, and I was 900 miles away, sitting on a corner in Winslow, Arizona- evening traffic, including a flatbed Ford, whizzing by me on Route 66 at Williamson Avenue, and I was connected to the internet via some unknown wi-fi, with something strange happening to my monitor.

At first I thought it was the Google Desktop Screen Saver taking me to Transylvania or to visit the Baskervilles, but that wasn't it.

Nor was it a blue screen event, which happens sometimes with Vista- it was more like a Gray Screen- until a face started to emerge from the gray.

It looked like the Shroud of Turin at first, but as the features became stronger, I could see it was a woman- a strong, masculine-looking woman, but a woman nonetheless. She had long, curly hair, jet-black in color.

It seemed to take forever for the face to materialize- it would come and go, two steps forward, three steps backward, or so it seemed to me.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably just minutes, it became clear- probably in HD.

The black hair framed a face that looked surreally like Whoopi Goldberg, except the face in front of me was clearly Arabic, and with blue eyes.

She was wearing a beautiful Kippah, a large rosary around her neck, and a beautiful Yourban gown. I still don't know how I knew what a Kippah was, or that the dress was from a West African tribe.

She started to talk to me. It was not the deep voice one would expect from a Whoopi look-alike, but rather the slightly-effeminate voice I would associate with Bill Maher.

I said "Who are you?" She ignored me, as she would throughout the entire "conversation", answering none of my questions.

She started:

"I want you to form a new Church, a church that focuses on tolerance, acceptance, and peace. The sword is appropriate sometimes, but the focus should be on peace.

I am tired of having my gay and lesbian children so mistreated, especially as it is so often done in my name. As they have claimed for so long, it is Nature and not Nurture that results in their existence. Given how they have been treated, it is impossible that anyone would consciously "choose" that path.

My heterosexual children should consider whether they are able to wake up tomorrow and "decide" to be gay.

Those earlier Gospel transcriptionists totally screwed up "abomination" in Leviticus- it was not AbOmINation, it was ObAmANation, which you will see in a couple of years as a great, positive thing for the world. Remember, eating shellfish was also described in Leviticus as an "abomination", and no way are lobsters, oysters, crab, or clams evil or debaucherous.

However, my new Church is for all of those subjected to bigotry and hatred, for their families, friends, and supporters, and, as I inspired for the Statue of Liberty, for "... your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free..."

The new Church is to take what you deem to be the best aspects of the world's great religions, and combine them into one short, concise creed.

One thing- do NOT include the Old Testament. I did not inspire the Old Testament anymore than I inspired, say, those American novels written by Henry Miller or Jacqueline Susann. The first time I read the Old Testament, I said "Jeeeeezus Christ, what crap!"

The question of a Supreme Being is to be left open to individual choice and belief, and nobody shall judge that decision, lest they be judged tenfold more harshly by me. Likewise is the question of an afterlife to be left open, as that, too, shall be an individual and unassailable belief.

The focus shall be on life, not death, on behavior and thought, and on each other.

Lastly, it shall be called the Worldwide Congregaytion, and you shall take the name of Papa Cavalieri I. It's a great name, and further proof that I neither visited Joseph Smith nor ever gave him anything.

Go forth, and do good things.

So, that's it. That's where we are today, and I have to think the passage of Prop 8 this past week happened as a catalyst for change.

I'm proud of my selection, and awed by the task ahead.

On the other hand, that week in May 2007 was the same week that Jerry Falwell died, and I may simply have been chosen to be one old fat lunatic asshole replacing another!

I can't do it...

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It's 4:57, and all day I have been determined to watch Master and Commander at 5:00- no Keith, no Rachael.

Shit! I can't do it! Sigh...

Wow...

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It's 10:46 PM, Pacific Time. I have a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes.

On a National level, there are few ways things could have gone better.

At the State level, though, it appears that Pope Benedict Arnold and Mormon President Thomas Monster have successfully spent millions of tax-free dollars to smash the separation of Church and State and impose their religious beliefs on those who are not members of their churches, or any religions. I am sure the Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves.

It's too bad there is no God- I would love to see them called to task by Her for them using so much money on politics and not on food and medicine for the poor.

And their lies... That's the 9th Commandment, right? Thou Shalt Not Lie? Just above Masturbation, and just below Thou Shalt Not Eat Meat, nor Perform Cunnilingus or Fellatio on Fridays? Priests are exempt from the Fellatio portion, but few people know it.

We'll get there- it just was not our time. Certainly, the CA Supreme Court will not invalidate those weddings that have already taken place.

So, despite that thorn, that Kryptonite, let's celebrate that we have elected an African American to be president of the United States, and what that means for us as a nation, and for our standing in the World.

We also celebrate the fact that the scurrilous accusations of terrorist, Muslim, socialist, Marxist, guilt by Reverend, that a fist bump between a husband and wife was a "terrorist fist bump", radical, inexperience (but a 1 term governor of a sparsely-populated state is not), did not take hold, and the voters saw through it.

While we soak in our glee and bask, almost breathlessly, in this moment of history, we also have to start to think about whom we are going to replace Joe Biden with as VP in 4 years to establish the heir apparent for four years from then.

It should be a woman...

Huh?

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Bible Spice, or Caribou Barbie, if you prefer, flew all the way home to Alaska to vote, and is now headed back to Arizona.

After she voted, she was asked who she voted for, and she exercised her right to keep that private.

WHAT?!?!?!

I though it was a joke. And no, they were not asking about a lesser race- they were talking about POTUS.

Unbelievable...

Grandma- and life's dominoes.

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Today, Barack Obama's grandmother, "Toot", passed away from cancer. If there is any truth and justice in the world, tomorrow her grandson will be elected President of the United States of America.

In 1965, my mother gave my father an ultimatum- either we were moving to California, or they were getting divorced.

Apparently, Fidelity was neither an investment nor a practice in our household. I will never forget the time I asked my mom why she stayed with Dad after all his "side jobs", and she replied that he was not the only one.

Right out of Thorn Birds, I somehow knew, in a twisted way, I was there before him. I didn't know the details. I do now, but they are unimportant.

What is important, at least today, is that my family had lived in Oswego, NY, since at least before the Civil War. At one time, I had 5 living grandmothers. When we moved west, we left behind in NY 21 cousins on one side of the family, with 4 sets of aunts and uncles, and 6 cousins and another aunt/uncle combo in North Carolina. On the other side, were dozens of other cousins, and numerous aunts and uncles.

Would I have been as successful had we stayed there? I dunno. Would I have met the love of my life, she from Monterey, CA, which should be spelled Monterrey? No.

Still, I think about going back every single day- back to the place where the love of my life thought she saw the smallest bear she had ever seen, dead along the road, when, in fact, she had seen the biggest PORCUPINE ever seen, dead alongside the road.

Back to reasonable land prices, a Great Lake, four seasons, excellent fishing, Revolutionary War history, Fort Ontario, but mostly to the numerous aunts and uncles still there, and to my cousins, many of whom are still alive and have added spouses and kids.

I don't know how Barack feels, but I suspect it is very similar- except that he does not have the time to feel it right now. Maybe Wednesday...