Proposition Ballot Guide

Proposition 1: High-Speed Rail- the longer we wait, the more $$ it will cost. YES

Proposition 2: Pregnant hogs and hens SHOULD be able to stand up and turn around, n'est pas?
YES

Proposition 3: Childrens' Hospital Bond Act- $ 400,000,000.00 is still left from the last C. H. Bond measure.
NO

Proposition 4: Another Parental Notification Boondoggle
NO

Proposition 5: Non-Violent Offender Reform and Rehab; Good intentions, bad form and timing. Reducing non-violent marijuana/drug sentences is a good thing; the argument that reducing parole length endangers us more is ridiculous, as parolees are already on the street. The difficulty for me is spending 1 billion dollars annually right now, even though it may reduce increases in Prison Spending by 1 billion annually- in the future. The League of Women Voters says YES, so...
YES

Proposition 6: Mandates Law Enforcement Funding;
NO

Proposition 7: Energy Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 8: Equality for All
NO! NO! NO!

Proposition 9: Victims' Rights Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 10: Alternative Fuel Vehicle Bureaucracy
NO

Proposition 11: Redistricting
NO

Proposition 12: Veterans Bond Act
YES

Osmotic Higher Education

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I've got it! I finally know what she's talking about! Hallelujah!

Today, I went on a Mickaboo run to Vacaville, on to Sacramento, and back home via Davis.

It was the greatest day of my life, a day of fulfillment, of becoming a Sequoia Sempervirens of my former self.

It started out innocently enough. I went by Shelbi's house to pick up a bird stand, and then headed out of town.

Things shifted gears suddenly as I was stopped at the stop sign in front of the Buckhorn Saloon and Roadhouse. I felt the truck tremble for about 10 seconds, and the cab filled with BBQ smoke. All of a sudden I felt like Emeril Lagasse, able to cook anything. I looked down at my t-shirt, and there, printed upside down so I could read it while cooking, was the world's greatest Prime Rib recipe.

The guy behind me honked, breaking my reverie, so I continued on my journey.

As I got near Pedrick & I-80, I passed a scarecrow in a field. All of a sudden, I was sweating profusely and shouting uncontrollably that "the square of the length of the hypotenuse of a right triangle equals the sum of the squares of the lengths of the two other sides!"

This was getting weirder by the minute. I opened the door to make sure I was not driving on yellow bricks, and then scanned the horizon for any signs of a tornado.

My journey through Davis on I-80 was uneventful until I got to the old McClellan AFB flight pattern. There was an United States C-130, my favorite airplane, flying in, of all places, United States airspace, and passing right over my truck. I could actually feel the vibrations of its engines as it passed.

All of a sudden, the theme from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang replaced Ed Schultz on my satellite radio, the lenses of my glasses became virtual C-130 instrument panels, and I was flying over Folsom Lake.

My only regret is that my favorite plane was not a bomber. I have seen the Letters to the Editor that come to the Sacramento Bee from Roseville and Granite Bay, and their continuums could use some rearranging.

Then, in the blink of an eye, I was suddenly parked in front of the Bird Shop. I shook my head, figured I was dreaming, but I still cannot explain how that Dick Van Dyke picture got on my dashboard.

I got my bird supplies and headed home.

I love Sacramento, so I went through downtown. As I was idling at a stop light, I looked over and saw an Austrian restaurant sitting next to a cigar shop, and all of a sudden I knew I was uniquely qualified to be governor of California.

At this point, I was exhausted- and hungry. I needed some money. I saw a WaMu that still had WaMu signs up, not yet having converted to JP Morgan/Chase/Oracle/BofA/Branch Providians or whatever they are going to become.

I went up and took out 40 bucks. The receipt rolled out of the ATM like a Diploma, and I realized right then that I could run a bank that size.

Suddenly I felt like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man- or was it Midnight Cowboy? Well, it was one of the two.

If you have paid attention you will know that the head of WaMu has been employed for 17 days, got a 7 million dollar signing bonus, and has an 11 million dollar severance package. 18 days = 18 million dollars. I could do that.

I finally made it back to Winters. I parked my truck at home, and wandered down to my favorite watering hole, the aforementioned Buckhorn. They were not officially open, but I take very good care of my waiters and waitresses, so I can usually get served a little early.

I was sitting there drinking my favorite Russian vodka, a third double-Stoli on the rocks, and thinking about my day.

I had transitioned from retired Battalion Chief, Mickaboo volunteer, and small-town elected official to world-famous chef, math genius, airplane pilot, world banking executive, and was ready to become the cigar-chomping leader of the 7th largest economy in the world whenever they asked- all via osmosis, all in one day.

I shook it all off, and I sought peace by reading a tattoo magazine, when a friend asked me if I wanted to try a Canadian Club on the rocks. I said sure, but as I drained it I felt something dripping down my arms.

On my right arm, under my Anarchist "A" tattoo was a tattoo of a Maple Leaf that I had never seen before; on my left arm, under my Vendetta "V" tattoo was another new tattoo, the Russian Hammer and Sickle. Both were dripping blood, as all new tattoos do.

All of a sudden, my destiny was clear: I was to be the leader of some frigid, beautiful place crammed in between Canada and Russia. As I looked in the Bar mirror, I noticed my round glasses were now square, and my brunette hair was showing blond streaks.

I felt like one of the Blues Brothers, Jake, of course: "It's 2138 miles to Juneau, I have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, I'm wearing dark glasses, and I am on a mission from God."

Hey, cheer up- if it could happen to me, it could have happened to Caribou Barbie, too.

Meanderings...

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John McCain has mentioned several times now that the fundamentals of economy are sound- now it turns out he meant the "American Workers". Right. John McCain, man of the blue-collar workers. Yeah, right. We should be so concerned about somebody who can lie so easily.

Randi Rhodes, I think, referred to Sarah Palin as "Caribou Barbie"- a classic.

Sing along with me: "Nobody really likes Sarah P..." (Sara Lee)

ALS...

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I have been in a bit of a funk the last few days. A couple of my siblings are not getting along, and I am dismayed that things I hold dear, like community service and the rule of law, as in "reading them their rights" are being maligned by the pitbull with lipstick, who is giving both pitbulls and Revlon a bad name.

Today we had a speaker at Rotary telling us about A.L.S., or Lou Gehrig's Disease as it is most commonly known.

There is no cure, there is not even any clear cause, although serving in the U.S. Military makes you 60% more likely to get it- a truly bizarre statistic.

It's a disease of the membrane that allows the muscles to function. It's a disease of elimination, symptom by symptom, where they rule everything else out before they come to the conclusion that you have A.L.S. Most people die from the disease in 3-5 years.

The worst part is your brain is 100% functional until the very end. That brought a level of grief to me that I have rarely felt- such tragedy, such outrage, such pain, such suffering.

The other "worst" part of it is that Major League Baseball does nothing to benefit ALS research- zip, zilch, nada. A disease that struck down one of their greatest players, one of their statesmen- and zero.

I intend to do something about that- I hope.

Way to go, Ed!

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As he so often does, Ed Schultz got it exactly right today. He was trying to calm the fears over the GOP "bounce" that occurred, and was expected, after the Convention. I may not have it verbatim.

"Barack Obama selected a running mate that would be great for running the Country; John McCain selected a running mate he thought would be great for winning the election..."

Bullseye! So much for Country First!

My Daughter-In-Law sent me this...

If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you’re a token hire.
If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates, you’re a game-changer.”

If you live in an urban area and you get a girl pregnant, you’re a baby daddy.”
If you’re the same in Alaska, you’re a teen father.”

(Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an !^%#! redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A crisis in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A blessed event.”

If you’re 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant, life happens.”
If you’re 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you’re a registered sex offender.”

If you grow up in Hawaii, you’re exotic.”
Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re the quintessential American story.”

If you name your kid Barack, you’re unpatriotic.”
Name your kid Track, you’re colorful.”

If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual, you’re reckless.”
A Republican who doesn’t fully vet a VP pick is a maverick.”

If you say that for the first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country, it makes you unfit to be First Lady.
If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession, that makes you First Dude.”

A DUI from twenty years ago is old news.”
A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is relevant information.”

If you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s reoccurrence of cancer, you’re a questionable spouse.”
If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome- well, we don’t know what that is because THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you’re a phony.”
Get 100,000+ people to vote you in as governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you’re well-loved.”

If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to get to know you.”
If you’re white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you’re one of us.”

If you give your wife a jab on stage, it's actually a terrorist fist jab.”
If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child’s hair on national TV it’s an adorable moment. (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills!).

If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you’re an extremist.”
If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you’re a fundamentalist.”

If you’re a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're uppity.”
If you’re a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate

It might actually be five more school over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Sarah, Vain & Petty was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, we all know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii.

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of Change, it’s just empty rhetoric.”
If one week before your party’s national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about Change, that’s red meat.”

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you’re female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you’re a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist- Yes, we can!
If you’re a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska- Yup, yup!”

Huh?

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Yesterday in Sacramento, a jury hung 9-3 in favor of guilty on a charge of manslaughter against a guy who drove without a license, got into an accident, and killed one of his passengers.

One of the "3" said it was just an accident, that he made a "poor choice".

Maybe that would be the case if you were a licensed driver, but if you are not, how could a jury come back with anything but guilty?

Did I mention he was a soldier?

Sarah, Vain and Small

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I didn't listen to the Barracuda's speech.

I read the reports that she did well, was poised and well-spoken, and was not surprised. Most hockey moms are, after all, known for being articulate, n'est pas?

Then I heard David Gregory ask somebody if they thought the constant mocking of Obama would turn off or offend the Independent voters.

That intrigued me, so I started looking at the clips of the speech.

In what was reminiscent of Joe Biden's early (and taken out of context) comment that Barack is well-groomed and clean, the assessment of her speaking abilities were sexistly-biased. Obviously, she was not judged by the same standards as the men. It reminds me of the old Olympic Gymnastics events, though this time ALL the judges must have been Russian!

She can read a teleprompter.

You don't suppose that those old chauvinist Republicans are just amazed to find a good-looking woman who can read, do you?

Her mocking of Obama was classless and insulting. Belittling Community Organizing? Very easy to do from rich, all-white Alaska, I guess, where everybody is born with a silver icicle in their mouths.

It was very easy to see that the speech was, in fact, written by one of George Bush's speech writers.

The Bottom Line? Obama raised $ 10 million the day after, and McCain raised $ 1 million.

Keep talking Sarah!