Condom Minimum

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The Pope has said that the solution to the AIDS crisis cannot be found in the distribution of condoms. He did not even make the "official" claim of the Catholic Church, that abstinence and marital fidelity are the solutions to the crisis, where in Sub-Saharan Africa 22 million people are infected with AIDS.

Instead, the solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer".

Huh?

There is no Biblical source or rationale for the Pope, for Priest or Nun Celibacy, or for being against Birth Control. Despite this, millions of people look to the Pope as the voice of God- at the very same time they laugh at Tom Cruise and Scientology, and mock and criticize the Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

It's also at the same time that millions have embraced both the Christian faith of Sarah Palin, despite the fact that she hosted an African Witch Doctor at her church for an Exorcism, and Governor Bobby Jindal as the future of the GOP, ignoring the fact that he and others abused a woman in college while performing a self-described "exorcism" on her.

I am reminded of the old Catholic joke...

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You idiot! I tried. I sent three boats after you!"

So, that takes us back to Genesis...

"And on the Eighth Day, God created condoms..."

Every Country in the world, particularly Italy, should immediately withdraw their Ambassadors to The Vatican, and revoke the official status of the Holy Roman Catholic Church as a religion.

By making the statements he has made, the Pope has put the Catholic Church in the same league as the Heaven's Gate folks, as well as the Jim Jones group that had such a profound effect on Kool Aid stock prices.

While Africa died, the Pope fiddled...

And please, would SOMEBODY send me my Ex-Communication paperwork in a format suitable for framing...

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Vote For This Joke

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Star of David Lobbyists...

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Our president has been railing about lobbyists since he began his unlikely run to be the leader of the free world.

In this shambled economy, the focus has been on the lobbyists for what I would describe as "money"- those whose interests or goals- remember, they are not the same thing- are financial in some way.

Let me take a moment to make it very clear: I love Israel, and I love the Jews and the Israelis. I love their spirit, their joie de vivre, which I do not know either how to say in Hebrew or write from right to left.

I would love to have dual citizenship, but they are very stingy with their citizenship papers, as I have researched it.

I am not, though, an Israel apologist. Sometimes, they are just flat wrong.

They are wrong to have reduced the Gaza Strip to povertty by denying some of the most very basic needs to the Gazans. Their response to the IUDs (Improvised Uber Devices) that the Gazans were lobbing into Israel was totally disproportionate and outrageous. Israel is a country, a legendary one at that, especially at such a ripe young age, but they are not perfect. Sometimes, the sons and daughters of Masada do not keep things in proper perspective.

However, I digress. Back to the lobbyists.

Charles Freeman withdrew his name yesterday from appointment to a high-level Intelligence position because of what he has described as pressure from the "Israel" lobby. Sadly, he was profoundly qualified for the post.

Folks, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Barack Obama. For eight years, we have been subjected to a government of closed doors, secret meetings, and an ideologically-exclusive club. No more!

Rarely, will people in the Cabinet agencies agree on everything in their arenas of responsibility. Frankly, that's what we WANT! Disagreement is the only way we will get the thorough vetting of ideas, proposal, plans, and programs that we need and expect from our government.

If Mr. Freeman's observations are accurate, and he was targeted because of some of his blunt assessments of Israel, then those lobbyists are just as dangerous as those who represent the AMA, the NRA, Wall Street, and the Military/Industrial Complex- and should be as quickly dismissed. In some ways, "thought" or "idea", or perhaps in this case "ant-free speech" lobbyists are more dangerous to the fabric of democracy than those motivated by money.

National Intelligence Czar Dennis Blair should appoint Mr. Freeman as planned, and move on.

The Obama Administration will not lose the Israel Lobby over one appointment, and the Israel Lobby needs the Obama Administration now more than ever- and that won't change with Mr. Freeman in place, and it won't be different when people vote in 4 years.

Enough of this ideological blackmail and coercion.

Sign...

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"Dan White hero... killing a queer."

The sign was rather rudimentary, multi-colored, appears to be colored pencils as the medium.

It was sent to me by Geoff Kors, of Equality California, and represented as a sign seen in front of the Supreme Court last Thursday.

I don't like the picture of the sign. It's a close-up, and does not appear to be in a crowd or even in the hands of a protester. It just does not seem right to me, somehow...

I hope I am wrong.

Let's assume that it is as stated, though. I think that I have never seen anything so repulsive, so outrageous, so hateful. I don't say this with even a touch of machismo, but I believe I would be in jail should I encounter somebody carrying such a sign- man or woman.

It's the product of the vitriol of Limbaugh, and the Catholics and the Mormons, and I doubt there is a better example of a traitor to our country than this. It offends me at such a basic level that I cannot even begin to describe it.

Sure, I would provoke the carrier of the sign into swinging at me first- easily done with such an illiterate cretin. Small penis. Used to stare at the other boys in the shower in gym class. Parents that were brother and sister. Abused by a priest when he was younger. Simple.

I was there in Sacramento at the Tower for the Opening Night of Milk. A great movie, a great man, and great actors.

Dan White did do one thing right, though- he killed himself. Hero? Never. Mentally-ill coward, and the perfect poster child for those who believe their god wants them to create a jihad against gays.

Square Root Day

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NOTE: My friend Matt Reimer contributed to this piece.

Yesterday, at least here in the Colonies, we celebrated "Square Root Day"- well, a couple of us did.

3.3.09

I have never been a big Math guy. My Math education stopped after my "A", one of the few, in High School Algebra, in 1972.

My son Tommy is the Math guy, getting it from his Mom. He got a perfect 800 on his Math SAT.

Sure, I took a Business Math class in college, and I picked up a bunch of Fire Department Math & Hydraulics along the way.

I was never an Engineer, even though I have an Engineer's Badge in my Retirement Shadow Box. Another example of Michael E. Smith's attention to detail.

29.7 times the diameter squared times the square root of the pressure times .9 for an open butt. (Don't ask.)

The Scarecrow should have used that in The Wizard of Oz.

I did drive a lot. Most notably, Battalion Chief Dorrough to this day has not recovered from a Union Avenue to Peabody Road run in old 3270 in 1984. Damn, 25 years ago...

One more Square Root novelty? The Square Root of 69? Ate something...

Octo Mom

NOTE: My friend Mike Guerra contributed to this piece
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Unlike most folks, Roger Moore was always my favorite Bond guy, at least before Daniel Craig, and OctoPussy my favorite of his movies.

Now, along comes this psycho bimbo with eight kids in there, and she has totally ruined the movie for me! Maybe they could re-release it under a new name? Maybe Eight Cooters in the Fountain...

I also have been a big soccer fan & player since 1971. In Fairfield, there has long been a flood control basin known as the "Octo Inn" on the west side of town. In dry weather, it also serves as a great soccer complex.

Again, here comes Miss Hockey-Team-With-Two-On-The-Bench and I now will never again view the Octo Inn in the same, and maybe not soccer either- I mean she had more kids stuffed in there than there are soccer balls in the net in any TWO typical soccer games!

Damn, she qualifies as a Hostel, although most might deem it a Hostel Environment.

The book and the movie? Simple: Eight Kids Out.

I guess I am better off than she is though- I mean, after all, I only have a couple of perspectives distorted, while she is at the top of the list for places if they ever have to relocate The Spruce Goose.