Thursday, October 9, 2008

Full Disclosure

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As an elected official, I must disclose that I once washed my hands in a sink at O'Hare Airport in Chicago immediately after former Weather Underground Radical William Ayres used the very same sink.

Given this incident, and the hoopla that is likely to ensue as news of this incident spreads, I have decided not to serve more than 20 years as a City Councilman here in Winters, CA.

The rumor that I was Bill Ayres' Best Man, that I am thinking of having his baby, or that we sit down whenever we can to watch my Sharks beat up his Blackhawks is nothing but lies being spread by the NRA- the National Retards Association.

I am, however, mad about the other lie being spread about me, that prior to washing my hands that day, I was having sex with Senator Larry Craig in the Handicapped stall.

That's the worst thing anybody has ever said about me! No, not that I might be Gay, although we know Larry the Toe Tapper is not gay and has never been gay.

No, calling me Gay doesn't bother me a bit.

However, to imply that I would EVER stoop so low as to sleep with a Republican is GODDAMN OUTRAGEOUS!!!

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