Second Vatican

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Dear Editor,

Esther Villalobos is correct, I was too pointed in my criticism of the Catholic Church. Sometimes, my sense of outrage gets the best of me. My suggestion to abolish the Church was just plain dumb.

Oddly, though, my earliest recollection of that sense of outrage, and the beginning of my departure from the Church, was in the 3rd Grade when Mrs. McElhone at St. Paul's in Oswego, NY, taught us that babies who died before being baptized don't get to go to Heaven, but go to Limbo instead. Forever. Not even a shot at Purgatory.

My chubby arm shot up, and an involuntary "What?" came from me, there in my seat in the front row. I was always moved to the front row by October 1st- never quite figured out why. My eyesight was fine!

The next stumbling block came with the understanding that there was evil and unhappiness in the world because Eve ate an apple from the wrong tree. The unfairness of that was bad enough as a kid, but now, as a male adult, it's even worse to realize it is simply because a woman couldn't follow directions. Huh? Hello! Feels like a setup from the very beginning, right guys? I mean, if men can be criticized for never asking for directions, we can do the same to women about following them.

Last year, this Pope did away with Limbo. All those years that parents anguished over their children stuck in Limbo, and now "poof!" it's gone? Hmmm. This is the kind of thing that drives me crazy! It's what happens with Catholicism, though, because of, unlike other religions, the "changing of the guard" that takes place when a Pope dies.

It is a fact that condoms prevent AIDS. The idea that distributing condoms increases AIDS spread because it encourages multiple partners is a red herring. The German, French, and even the Italian governments were quick to lament the Pope's comments. Many of the 22 million people in Africa with AIDS were either in what they thought were monogamous relationships, are now, or will be in the future. I am not knowledgeable enough to know whether abstinence programs in Africa are effective, but I know the record here is dismal.

When the Pope travels, he does so as both the head of the Church and the head of the Vatican State, and he talks to Catholics and non-Catholics alike. I believe that adds even greater responsibility to his shoulders about what he says. By the way, Popes do not get misquoted. It's not like He gives Jimmy Olson or Lois Lane an exclusive interview behind closed doors. Thousands of people are always witnesses.

On a lighter note, I received a lovely postcard from His Holiness in the mail on Monday. It had a great picture of himself on the front, which did not appear to be digitally retouched. He basically explained to me that he was the first German Pope since Adrian the VI, as he probably did not think that a heathen like me would know that, and he also wrote "So, you have had enough, huh?". It's not really suitable for framing, but I did laminate it. The Edgar Allan Poe stamp was a very nice, subtle touch, also.

On Thursday, in what appeared to be the same handwriting, and again with an Edgar Allan Poe stamp, I received a DVD: Come Home to the Catholic Church: Why I Did, Why You Should! It is a series of lectures by, oddly, a priest. I put it on my DVD rack between Shoes of the Fisherman and The Thorn Birds.

Here's the thing. I love the Church, always have, even though it drives me crazy sometimes- but I am now an Atheist, and that's not likely to change. I mean, it's been over 35 years since my last confession- who wants to spend the next 5 years saying Our Fathers and Hail Marys? I gave up Confession for Lent in 1972, and it just kind of stuck.

I am probably different than most Atheists though, in that while I am 99% sure I am right, I still hope I am wrong. It's a simple matter of fairness for me. Up to 2/3 of the people ever born worshiped a higher form of life, while probably a third did not. All that time, effort, money, all those good deeds- I hope the 2/3 are right. My fate is sealed either way. If they are right, they get to say "I told you so!". If I'm right, I don't.

A couple more light notes. The first is I am looking forward to May 15th, when the next history movie of Catholicism comes out, Angels & Demons. Secondly, my irreverent sense of humor led me to order a "GOD "heart" GAY" license plate for my new van, and DMV notified me Friday that it awaits me in the Vacaville office. Please, could we not have a modern-day "Crusade" to deface my van?

Dr. Dawkins: I now own www.mcmasterful.com. Never even thought of it. Merci!

Folks, you don't need to send me stuff anonymously. I'm not going to hunt you down, or invite my gay friends to camp out on your lawn. Obviously, the anonymity of the postcard from the Pope and the subsequent DVD added to their mystique, but when you send me the pro-church or anti-gay stuff, just put your name on it. That way, my wife doesn't have to worry if there is some strange white powder in there. I tried to reassure her that, at most, it might be dipped in Holy Water prior to mailing, but she would prefer honest return addresses.

Lastly, the Winters Express is our hometown newspaper, and it's a damn good one. I have long been dismayed when I hear or read about people who have unsubscribed because they did not like something that Debra wrote, or Charley, or maybe even me, or Jon Tice, or Donald Sanders.

You don't take the local newspapers for the writers. You subscribe so you know who had a baby, and who died; you subscribe to see that a Winters HS baseball player is batting over .600 and a pitcher gave up only one hit in two games a couple of weeks ago; you subscribe to learn who this year's Mr. Warrior is, and to see what the specials are at Town & Country Market; you subscribe to find out when and where the next fund-raising dinner is for Little League, Youth Day, the Soroptimists, Swim Team, Youth Football, Scouts, or Rotary, or to be reminded that the Fire Department Garage Sale is coming soon; and you subscribe to read the tributes that two former students of Mr. Mac wrote about a man who was so dear to them, and made such a difference in their lives.

It's not an option, it's an obligation. The only legitimate excuse is that you can't afford it. If you don't understand this very basic fundamental about living in a small town, if you are so petty that you don't subscribe over somebody exercising their free speech rights, or because you counted the words in my last letter and realized I was over the limit, then not only can you not be taken seriously for criticizing anybody else, you are in need of some serious therapy.

Letter & Rebuttal

A friend of mine sent me the black ink; The blue ink is my reply.

Tom,

George,

While I believe you’re probably already well versed in this philosophy, I thought that you might benefit from a review. It’s not much use to me, as I have come to understand that “good” and “liberal” are mutually exclusive terms. At any rate, I hope it’s helpful.

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

1. You are against capital punishment because it's racist, sexist, and too many mistakes have been made.
You believe that life begins sometime, but not at conception- or Safeway has a special on "buy a dozen chickens, and get a dozen free" this week.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

2. You knew Trickle Down Economics was a scam, and now the whole world knows, too.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

3. You have to believe that since a criminal can't buy an AK-47, the guy who killed 4 Oakland Cops must have stolen it from a "law-abiding" citizen.
"A well-regulated-militia..." When do we start drills?"

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

4. You would rather have art on the walls than pay big-business farmers not to grow crops.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

5. You have to believe that we are at least accelerating global warming, or you should just deny a round earth and the Holocaust, too.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

6. You have to believe gays knew they were gay from birth, as they say, just as straights do, too.
You have no position on artificial gender roles, which we assume to be Republican fetish blow-up dolls.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that Federal funding is important for all disease research, and an anti-gay bias should not change that.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th- graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that teachers were probably fucking before they were teaching.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

9. You have to believe that there is a difference between loving nature so it keeps supplying you with things to shoot, versus working to save animals from people who want to wear them…

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You believe that people are born with self-esteem, and should be allowed to keep it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

11. You believe that Attila the Mel can spend his money however he wants.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that the NRA should read the WHOLE Second Amendment.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that nothing is free, except wars fought "off the books", and that MOST bank fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

14. Well, more than Robert E. Lee, certainly- he was such a loser.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that all tests and employment processes will be created equal when all schools, teachers,
and school funding is created and distributed equally.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

16. As the world now knows, John Maynard Keynes was right, and Milton Friedman was wrong.
You also believe that describing liberals as socialists is the same as comparing conservatives with Nazis.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

17. You have to believe that manger scenes can be in parades anytime they want to be...

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

18. You have to believe there is nothing vast about the right-wing: not anymore, man!

GOD BLESS AMERICA
Oops, can't do that either.

Allah Bless America
Darwin Bless America
Confucius Bless America
Buddha Bless America

Obama, working diligently to develop a
new breed of parasites on society!
AKA, Democrats for change!

Obama, working diligently to banish an
old, fat, rich breed of parasites from society!
AKA, Democrats for change- you're goddamn right!

"On the whole, it is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them".. Mark Twain

"On the whole, it is best to deserve honors AND have them."

Tom McMasters-Stone
www.polisticksandstones.blogspot.com

Condom Minimum

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The Pope has said that the solution to the AIDS crisis cannot be found in the distribution of condoms. He did not even make the "official" claim of the Catholic Church, that abstinence and marital fidelity are the solutions to the crisis, where in Sub-Saharan Africa 22 million people are infected with AIDS.

Instead, the solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer".

Huh?

There is no Biblical source or rationale for the Pope, for Priest or Nun Celibacy, or for being against Birth Control. Despite this, millions of people look to the Pope as the voice of God- at the very same time they laugh at Tom Cruise and Scientology, and mock and criticize the Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

It's also at the same time that millions have embraced both the Christian faith of Sarah Palin, despite the fact that she hosted an African Witch Doctor at her church for an Exorcism, and Governor Bobby Jindal as the future of the GOP, ignoring the fact that he and others abused a woman in college while performing a self-described "exorcism" on her.

I am reminded of the old Catholic joke...

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You idiot! I tried. I sent three boats after you!"

So, that takes us back to Genesis...

"And on the Eighth Day, God created condoms..."

Every Country in the world, particularly Italy, should immediately withdraw their Ambassadors to The Vatican, and revoke the official status of the Holy Roman Catholic Church as a religion.

By making the statements he has made, the Pope has put the Catholic Church in the same league as the Heaven's Gate folks, as well as the Jim Jones group that had such a profound effect on Kool Aid stock prices.

While Africa died, the Pope fiddled...

And please, would SOMEBODY send me my Ex-Communication paperwork in a format suitable for framing...

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Vote For This Joke

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Star of David Lobbyists...

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Our president has been railing about lobbyists since he began his unlikely run to be the leader of the free world.

In this shambled economy, the focus has been on the lobbyists for what I would describe as "money"- those whose interests or goals- remember, they are not the same thing- are financial in some way.

Let me take a moment to make it very clear: I love Israel, and I love the Jews and the Israelis. I love their spirit, their joie de vivre, which I do not know either how to say in Hebrew or write from right to left.

I would love to have dual citizenship, but they are very stingy with their citizenship papers, as I have researched it.

I am not, though, an Israel apologist. Sometimes, they are just flat wrong.

They are wrong to have reduced the Gaza Strip to povertty by denying some of the most very basic needs to the Gazans. Their response to the IUDs (Improvised Uber Devices) that the Gazans were lobbing into Israel was totally disproportionate and outrageous. Israel is a country, a legendary one at that, especially at such a ripe young age, but they are not perfect. Sometimes, the sons and daughters of Masada do not keep things in proper perspective.

However, I digress. Back to the lobbyists.

Charles Freeman withdrew his name yesterday from appointment to a high-level Intelligence position because of what he has described as pressure from the "Israel" lobby. Sadly, he was profoundly qualified for the post.

Folks, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Barack Obama. For eight years, we have been subjected to a government of closed doors, secret meetings, and an ideologically-exclusive club. No more!

Rarely, will people in the Cabinet agencies agree on everything in their arenas of responsibility. Frankly, that's what we WANT! Disagreement is the only way we will get the thorough vetting of ideas, proposal, plans, and programs that we need and expect from our government.

If Mr. Freeman's observations are accurate, and he was targeted because of some of his blunt assessments of Israel, then those lobbyists are just as dangerous as those who represent the AMA, the NRA, Wall Street, and the Military/Industrial Complex- and should be as quickly dismissed. In some ways, "thought" or "idea", or perhaps in this case "ant-free speech" lobbyists are more dangerous to the fabric of democracy than those motivated by money.

National Intelligence Czar Dennis Blair should appoint Mr. Freeman as planned, and move on.

The Obama Administration will not lose the Israel Lobby over one appointment, and the Israel Lobby needs the Obama Administration now more than ever- and that won't change with Mr. Freeman in place, and it won't be different when people vote in 4 years.

Enough of this ideological blackmail and coercion.

Sign...

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"Dan White hero... killing a queer."

The sign was rather rudimentary, multi-colored, appears to be colored pencils as the medium.

It was sent to me by Geoff Kors, of Equality California, and represented as a sign seen in front of the Supreme Court last Thursday.

I don't like the picture of the sign. It's a close-up, and does not appear to be in a crowd or even in the hands of a protester. It just does not seem right to me, somehow...

I hope I am wrong.

Let's assume that it is as stated, though. I think that I have never seen anything so repulsive, so outrageous, so hateful. I don't say this with even a touch of machismo, but I believe I would be in jail should I encounter somebody carrying such a sign- man or woman.

It's the product of the vitriol of Limbaugh, and the Catholics and the Mormons, and I doubt there is a better example of a traitor to our country than this. It offends me at such a basic level that I cannot even begin to describe it.

Sure, I would provoke the carrier of the sign into swinging at me first- easily done with such an illiterate cretin. Small penis. Used to stare at the other boys in the shower in gym class. Parents that were brother and sister. Abused by a priest when he was younger. Simple.

I was there in Sacramento at the Tower for the Opening Night of Milk. A great movie, a great man, and great actors.

Dan White did do one thing right, though- he killed himself. Hero? Never. Mentally-ill coward, and the perfect poster child for those who believe their god wants them to create a jihad against gays.

Square Root Day

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NOTE: My friend Matt Reimer contributed to this piece.

Yesterday, at least here in the Colonies, we celebrated "Square Root Day"- well, a couple of us did.

3.3.09

I have never been a big Math guy. My Math education stopped after my "A", one of the few, in High School Algebra, in 1972.

My son Tommy is the Math guy, getting it from his Mom. He got a perfect 800 on his Math SAT.

Sure, I took a Business Math class in college, and I picked up a bunch of Fire Department Math & Hydraulics along the way.

I was never an Engineer, even though I have an Engineer's Badge in my Retirement Shadow Box. Another example of Michael E. Smith's attention to detail.

29.7 times the diameter squared times the square root of the pressure times .9 for an open butt. (Don't ask.)

The Scarecrow should have used that in The Wizard of Oz.

I did drive a lot. Most notably, Battalion Chief Dorrough to this day has not recovered from a Union Avenue to Peabody Road run in old 3270 in 1984. Damn, 25 years ago...

One more Square Root novelty? The Square Root of 69? Ate something...

Octo Mom

NOTE: My friend Mike Guerra contributed to this piece
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Unlike most folks, Roger Moore was always my favorite Bond guy, at least before Daniel Craig, and OctoPussy my favorite of his movies.

Now, along comes this psycho bimbo with eight kids in there, and she has totally ruined the movie for me! Maybe they could re-release it under a new name? Maybe Eight Cooters in the Fountain...

I also have been a big soccer fan & player since 1971. In Fairfield, there has long been a flood control basin known as the "Octo Inn" on the west side of town. In dry weather, it also serves as a great soccer complex.

Again, here comes Miss Hockey-Team-With-Two-On-The-Bench and I now will never again view the Octo Inn in the same, and maybe not soccer either- I mean she had more kids stuffed in there than there are soccer balls in the net in any TWO typical soccer games!

Damn, she qualifies as a Hostel, although most might deem it a Hostel Environment.

The book and the movie? Simple: Eight Kids Out.

I guess I am better off than she is though- I mean, after all, I only have a couple of perspectives distorted, while she is at the top of the list for places if they ever have to relocate The Spruce Goose.