Letter & Rebuttal

A friend of mine sent me the black ink; The blue ink is my reply.

Tom,

George,

While I believe you’re probably already well versed in this philosophy, I thought that you might benefit from a review. It’s not much use to me, as I have come to understand that “good” and “liberal” are mutually exclusive terms. At any rate, I hope it’s helpful.

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

1. You are against capital punishment because it's racist, sexist, and too many mistakes have been made.
You believe that life begins sometime, but not at conception- or Safeway has a special on "buy a dozen chickens, and get a dozen free" this week.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

2. You knew Trickle Down Economics was a scam, and now the whole world knows, too.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

3. You have to believe that since a criminal can't buy an AK-47, the guy who killed 4 Oakland Cops must have stolen it from a "law-abiding" citizen.
"A well-regulated-militia..." When do we start drills?"

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

4. You would rather have art on the walls than pay big-business farmers not to grow crops.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

5. You have to believe that we are at least accelerating global warming, or you should just deny a round earth and the Holocaust, too.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

6. You have to believe gays knew they were gay from birth, as they say, just as straights do, too.
You have no position on artificial gender roles, which we assume to be Republican fetish blow-up dolls.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that Federal funding is important for all disease research, and an anti-gay bias should not change that.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th- graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that teachers were probably fucking before they were teaching.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

9. You have to believe that there is a difference between loving nature so it keeps supplying you with things to shoot, versus working to save animals from people who want to wear them…

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

10. You believe that people are born with self-esteem, and should be allowed to keep it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

11. You believe that Attila the Mel can spend his money however he wants.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that the NRA should read the WHOLE Second Amendment.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that nothing is free, except wars fought "off the books", and that MOST bank fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

14. Well, more than Robert E. Lee, certainly- he was such a loser.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that all tests and employment processes will be created equal when all schools, teachers,
and school funding is created and distributed equally.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

16. As the world now knows, John Maynard Keynes was right, and Milton Friedman was wrong.
You also believe that describing liberals as socialists is the same as comparing conservatives with Nazis.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

17. You have to believe that manger scenes can be in parades anytime they want to be...

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

18. You have to believe there is nothing vast about the right-wing: not anymore, man!

GOD BLESS AMERICA
Oops, can't do that either.

Allah Bless America
Darwin Bless America
Confucius Bless America
Buddha Bless America

Obama, working diligently to develop a
new breed of parasites on society!
AKA, Democrats for change!

Obama, working diligently to banish an
old, fat, rich breed of parasites from society!
AKA, Democrats for change- you're goddamn right!

"On the whole, it is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them".. Mark Twain

"On the whole, it is best to deserve honors AND have them."

Tom McMasters-Stone
www.polisticksandstones.blogspot.com