Garage Sale Day - 2009

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A great Winters Garage Sale Day! It was bigger and better than I ever remember!

 

The first stop for me after I leave my house is the Catholics, and the first thing I see is a great-looking book about Early Rome, and, presumably, religion. I pick it up, the ladies look at me and I look at them. "If I buy this, you will keep it a secret, right? I need to protect my reputation." They started laughing and made it very clear that not only would it be in the Church Bulletin AND the Express, they were pretty sure it would be mentioned in the next day's sermon. Sheesh. I bought it anyway. Next, I was off to visit the Presbyters. I walk in and tell them I am there for good prices because the Catholics wanted to charge me double. Pastor Bob looked at me and said " "Anything the Catholics can do, we can do better!", and then in a loud voice tells everyone to "Make sure you charge this guy triple!"

I found a hat that I had not seen before, "Meet the Fuckers!" with a picture of George Bush and Dick Cheney on it. In small town fashion, Kathy had not wanted to put it out, but Wade told her to put it out, that "Tom will buy it!". What he didn't think of was my camera phone- I simply snapped a picture of it, and saved myself two bucks.

Eventually my wife got out of bed and joined me, and together we stumbled on to the buy of the year- a 7-foot tall lighted Palm Tree. He said a dollar, but I gave him $5.

Hamming up the works...

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Well, they are renaming the "Swine Flu" after Egypt yesterday started slaughtering pigs in a frenzy.
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Now, Islam is the official religion of Egypt, so I am not sure why there are even pigs IN Egypt.
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The new name? "H1N1"- which in a deja vous all over again is, of course, an advertising/trolling shortcut for those damn promiscuous gay men: Have 1, Need 1.

Facebook: Who Am I?

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Who Am I?


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My dad's brother George.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When Gus dies in Lonesome Dove

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It's the only one I have.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Nun.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
13 that I know of, 4 others I suspect

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
No, I hate fat people.

7. DO YOU EVER USE SARCASM?
On my jock itch.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, but not my uvula

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only off the curb.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Ted Bundy

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I take the shoelaces out every time so they can sleep better- it's good for the sole.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?
I recall two childhood mammaries, both respectable- twins, I think.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Zamboni Slush

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Boobs.

15. RED OR PINK?
It's usually pink when I start, but red by the time I am done.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF
More chins than a Chinese phone book.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Velma and Gloria

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I would not have wasted my time otherwise.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Nun- black and white.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Clint Eastwood singing "I talk to the trees..."

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Caucasian

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm in the morning.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Gino- but he wasn't listening to me; he was on the phone.

25. DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes, I married him.

26. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH?
2M4W

27. HAIR COLOR?
Not yet...

28. EYE COLOR?
All three are brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Does that say contracts?

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Clams- al dente'

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary Movies with Happy Endings- like the last 8 years.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The one I accidentally took of my feet with my new phone.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING
Hair

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs- I love almonds

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
A tie between Carol's grandma's cheesecake and her granddaughter

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
If I pinch her ass...

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Before noon...

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW
None, I'm sitting at the computer- but if I was reading, it would be Angels & Demons

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
spaghetti sauce and dog hair

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The cat sleeping and staying warm.

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
"I'm going to school."

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Entomology over Geology; Ornithology third...

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
2nd base

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, and my wife says it is even better since they took my uvula out.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a manger

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Jesus- our gardener.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE?
SexAnon meeting- I was delivering pizza.

Newt the Slimy

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Dear Editor:

Republican leaders have such interesting names, n'est pas?

Delay. Doolittle. Bush. Rush. O'Really. Bonior.

Before Twitter, there was Vitter- which we now know means to frequent ladies of the evening- or maybe the afternoon.

After "Getting Jiggy With It!" along came "Getting Craigy With It!", which we also now know means tap dancing your way through men's restrooms.

Now, Newt Gingrich is angry because our President shook hands with Hugo Chavez, and about our relationship being better with Cuba after 90 days than it has been in the 50 years prior.

It could just be me, but I don't remember this reaction when Ronald Reagan was in Berlin talking to Gorbachev about redoing the Berlin Wallpaper.

An old white guy talking to a Communist, a real Caucasian, the head of an
enemy state, creates no controversy, but a half-black young guy talking to or about the Latino leaders of countries who have simply spoken ill of us creates an uproar?

I see. Repugnantcans. "Can't live with them, can't..." Hmmm. Guess I don't need the whole saying. And, no, I am not tarring all the GOP with the same brush.

Besides, Newt Gingrich is so passe'. After all, No Newt is good Newt. (Gingrich- not Wallace)

Teabag- the noun

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Not all teabags are created equally...

Shoes of the Fisherman II

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Pope Benedict XVI sought to give a message of hope on Easter Sunday to victims of wars, poverty and financial turmoil, saying it was urgently needed to overcome the miseries that are plaguing Africa, the Middle East and other parts of the globe.

Benedict delivered his "Urbi et Orbi" message — Latin for "to the city and the world" — after celebrating Easter Mass before tens of thousands of people who packed St. Peter's Square and the boulevard leading up to it.

I am reminded of my favorite Catholic speech of all time, that of Pope Kiril Lakota in Shoes of the Fisherman:

"I am the custodian of the wealth of the Church. I pledge it now — all our money, all our holdings in land, buildings, and great works of art — for the relief of our hungry brothers. And if, to honor this pledge, the Church must strip itself down to poverty, so be it. I will not alter this pledge; I will not reduce it. And now, I beg the great of the world and the small of the world to share out of their abundance with those who have nothing."

Integrity

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I am proud to be an American, although the last eight years has sometimes made that difficult.

Now, not only am I proud to be an American, but I am really proud to be a liberal/progressive American- and a Democrat.

For a couple of weeks now I have watched as the pundits on "our" side asked questions- Maher, Maddow, Schultz to some extent, Samuels.

None of the heavyweights have been falling into lockstep like the Foxzis have for the last 8 years- Bush the Magnificent!

Last night Olbermann, with Jonathan Turley, hit it out of the park with the bases loaded.

Obama's Justice Department has taken it further than Bush, and has completely lost its mind.

I hope they come to their senses. We're not even at Day 90 yet.